Page 91 of Rescue

“Let’s sit for a minute,” he says, taking my arm again. “You’ve had a shock, Haylee. Let’s relax, have a glass of water.”

He’s being so nice to me. Somehow that makes it all worse, makes it seem so much more real. Because Louis isn’t nice. Louis is demanding and bossy and obsessed with our success.

But he still cares about me more than my mother. They’ve both been pushing me to succeed all these years. But, unlike my mother, Louis wanted it for us. He pushed us because he thought we deserved to make it. He wasn’t just interested in coattails. He was interested in contributing, in helping us make our dreams come true. My mother only ever wanted money.

“I’m okay,” I say, my voice falsely bright. “It’s like you said, the label will handle it.”

“Haylee—”

“I’d just like to go rest at the hotel, okay?”

He watches my face for a long moment, as if trying to gauge how big of a lie I’m telling. Finally, he nods. “Okay. We’ll go back.”

We don’t talk in the car. Louis doesn’t ask me if I’m okay. But he holds my hand the entire way.

***

I almost can’t make myself go on stage that night. The thought of all of those people, looking at me, makes me want to puke. Will they know? The magazine isn’t out yet, but these things leak first, right? There’ll be talk online, won’t there? I can’t bear to look. The rest of the band knows, of course. Louis must have told them before he told me. As they’ve done a hundred times, they shelter me, protecting me. From the moment we leave the hotel to the moment we step on stage, they’re there, surrounding me. Not allowing me to be alone for a single moment. Not allowing anyone else to get close to me.

Lennon texts me from their dressing room a half-hour before the show.Stuck in interviews, he writes.Have an amazing last show. I’m so proud of you.

He has no idea. No idea the shitstorm that’s going to fall on me tomorrow. I don’t know if that makes it better or worse.

It’s good that I don’t see him before the show. I don’t think I would hold up so well if he put his arms around me. I don’t think I could tell him I was okay if he asked. And he would have to know, wouldn’t he, if he looked at me? He’d have to be able to tell.

Unless he was too much of a mess himself, I think. God, what a pair we are.

Before we go on stage, we gather in a circle, arms around each other, the way we do before every performance. This time, Louis joins us. No one says a negative word to him. Dylan merely puts his arm around his shoulders, including him in our huddle.

“Haylee, you can do this,” Layla says, her voice firm and commanding. “We are all behind you on that stage. We all have your back.”

“Let yourself get lost in the music,” Dylan says. “Let the music help you.”

I nod, unable to meet any of their eyes.

“We’ve come such a long way on this tour,” James says, squeezing my arm. “We have so much to be proud of. Let’s finish it strong.”

“Finish it strong,” the others echo.

“Finish it strong,” I say.

“Okay,Intrigueon three,” Lance says, and we break our embrace to put our hands on top of each other in the middle of the circle, just like always. “One, two, three, Intrigue!”

“Intrigue!” everyone shouts.

And we do finish it strong. I don’t know how, when I want to run screaming from the stage. But I take comfort in the fact that they’re all there with me. Between songs James brings me a water bottle. Dylan hands me a pick, his fingers brushing mine for several seconds as he looks down at me, smiling. Layla makes eye contact behind her drums, nodding at me whenever I turn in her direction. They have my back. Just like they said.

The crowd doesn’t seem to notice anything amiss. They cheer for us just as they’ve done at every other show, growing louder ever since Paris. When we finish the last song and go to the front of the stage to take a group bow, I swear they’re as loud as they are for Ransom.

“Want to go back to the hotel?” James asks as we make our way to the dressing room.

I shake my head. “I think I want to watch their set.”

“Are you sure? We could go watch a movie or something. Take a walk, see London at night.”

“It’s okay. It’s the last show. I want to see it.”

So we sit up in the family box, all five of us, while Ransom does their last show of the tour. They’re tight tonight, sounding strong. And they seem to be in good spirits, Cash and Daltrey jumping around through the set, Reed smiling behind his drum kit. You’d think they’d be more tired after a long tour, but instead they seem energized. Excited.