Page 4 of Rescue

Chapter Two

Lennon

Seventeen Years Later

There’s a familiar battle raging in my head. It’s an old refrain, one I know as well as any of our songs. I’ve been singing these words to myself for as long as I can remember. It goes like this: do the thing I’m supposed to do, or do the thing I want to do?

Supposed to dousually wins out, if I’m honest. Too many people will be let down if I give in. When I do what I want to do, instead of what I need to do, a lot of people end up really unhappy. Or scared.

Just like this summer.

I close my eyes and let my forehead fall against the painted cinder block wall. The cement is cool against my skin, a welcome relief from the oppressive heat outside. It doesn’t matter how much we travel, or how much time we spend in LA. I’ll never get used to ninety-degree weather at the end of October.

Just walk into the room, I tell myself.It’s easy. Open the door and go in there. They’re waiting for you.

And they are. All five of them. My brothers. My friend Levi. My dad. All waiting on me.

They’re probably pretty used to it by now.

A text alert sounds on the phone in my pocket, and I know without looking that it’s Levi. He’ll be concerned by now. I’m only ten minutes late, but for Levi it’s been ten minutes of worry. Longer, probably. I bet he’s been stressing since he texted me this morning to ask if I wanted to ride in together for the meeting. Telling himnohad, I’m sure, set off a morning’s worth of anxiety. Levi seemed to operate better when he knew exactly where I was and what I was doing at all times. He’s always been that way.

For my brothers, worry is a relatively new experience. There was a time when Reed, Cash, and Daltrey wouldn’t have even noticed me showing up ten minutes late for a meeting. Hell, one of us was almost always late. Usually Cash.

But that was before. These days the Ransome boys are on time for everything. On time and waiting. Waiting for me to show up so they can watch me out of the corner of their eye for the duration of whatever we’re doing. Band practice. Interviews. Photo shoots. Meetings. I can never get away from those corner-of-the-eye glances.

It’s kind of a mind fuck, going from being the guy in the background nobody ever really notices to being the guy everyone in the room has their eye on.

And I really fucking hate it.

Do the thing I’m supposed to do, or do the thing I want to do? Walk into that room and pretend I don’t notice while they all shoot me worried glances or go get in my car and get the hell out of here? I’m not even sure where I would go, honestly. But it wouldn’t be here.

“Just walk into the room, Lennon.” This time I say the words out loud, hoping the sound of my own voice will give me some motivation to follow through. The meeting won’t be long, and then we’ll be in rehearsal. And while I know I still won’t be able to escape all the looks they shoot my way, at least I’ll be behind my bass. I’ve always felt safer behind my bass.

“Talking to yourself is a bad sign,” a soft voice says, close to my ear. I don’t need to lift my head to know who it is, but I do anyway, meeting Daisy Harris’s steady gaze. One corner of her mouth tilts up almost into a smile. “Do I need to call Dr. Jacobs?”

I release a breath. Somehow Daisy’s eyes, inquisitive and knowing, don’t make my skin crawl. Maybe it’s because she’s the only person who dares to make jokes about me being crazy.

Maybe it’s because she’s the only person who understands.

“Depends,” I tell her. “Does Dr. Jacobs have some previously unmentioned superpower that makes time spent in the company of my brothers pass more quickly?”

Daisy scrunches up her face in thought. “Hmm. I’m not sure. Somehow it never came up in our therapy sessions.” She flashes a quick grin. “So. Whatcha doing out here talking to the wall?”

“Avoiding going in there.”

She nods. “I can see how the wall might offer better conversation than Cash.”

If there’s anything that can make me feel better, hearing other people ripping on my big brother is usually it. And since Daisy, Daltrey’s girlfriend, has known us her entire life, she’s usually pretty good at throwing out the insults at the Ransome boys. I shoot her a smile. “What areyoudoing out here?”

“Looking for you. Your brothers sent me.”

At least she’s honest about it. Better than the fake-ass nonchalance the rest of them try to force when they’re checking up on me. That doesn’t keep the edge out of my voice, however. “I’m ten minutes late. Hardly necessary to call in reinforcements.”

She shrugs. “Think of it as a sign of their love.”

A sign of their lack of trust. They don’t trust me to get myself to a band meeting on my own. They don’t trust me to do what I say I’m going to do. They don’t trust me to show up in one piece.

And that’s nobody’s fault but your own, a voice in my head reminds me. I sigh, straightening. Daisy is watching my face, a little crease between her eyes. “Come on, Len. I know it’s not fun, knowing they’re worried all the time. Let’s just get in there and get it over with. The later you are, the worse it will be.”