Page 168 of Game Misconduct

Tanner studied Leif’s face and Leif’s eyes were so hurt, so dull and full of pain that Tanner almost gasped. Fuck, hopefully his elbow wasn’t actually broken.

But Tanner wasn’t sure if it was physical pain or being knocked out of the playoffs that made him look like that.

They met in the line and Tanner murmured, “Good game,” and squeezed Leif’s hand tightly. Because it was true and because it was all he could do.

For a moment, Leif didn’t doanything, just stood there, staring blankly at Tanner, his hand limp in Tanner’s grip.

Fear flickered through Tanner and he held his breath.

He wasn’t really someone who assumed the worst but the look on Leif’s face made him start to question things. What if this was even worse than he’d thought? What if he was pissed at Tanner and the Harriers for the win? What if that was enough to make him change his mind about their relationship?

Leif had shut down after the loss at the North Atlantic Tournament. What if he did it again? What if he pushed Tanner away? Tanner couldn’t go to him at the hotel after like he had the last time.

Tanner stared at him, helplessly, silently begging him to remember that they were a team too. Him and Leif together and he needed to fight forthem.

Just when Tanner felt like he’d explode, Leif squeezed back.

Although he let go a moment later and his eyes were still full of pain, there was a flicker of something, atinyhint that he hadn’t forgotten he loved Tanner.

Tanner let out a relieved breath and moved on to shake the next guy’s hand, murmuring, “Good game,” on autopilot.

Tanner had to hold on to that look from Leif. He had to hope that it would be enough to get them through this.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

The flight back to New York was achingly quiet.

No one spoke and no one played cards. Leif sat next to Ian, repeatedly turning the game over in his mind. What if he’d played better? What if that deflection had gone in? What if he’d blocked more pucks …

He glanced down at his elbow. Okay, if he’d blocked more pucks, he might have wound up unable to shoot at all.

Of course, they were out of the playoffs now, so what did it matter if he broke his whole arm instead of just deadening the nerve at the worst possible time? He was feeling okay now. No permanent damage. He’d have a nasty bruise, despite icing it after the game, but what did any of that matter now?

They’d lost.

Leif swallowed thickly.

A moment later, a bag crinkled and one of the sour gummy peaches Salty liked so much appeared on his tray table. Heglanced over at his seatmate but Salty didn’t even look up from his book.

Leif smiled faintly and took the candy, popping it into his mouth. He didn’t have that much of a sweet tooth, but he appreciated the gesture. Leif closed his eyes and leaned back against the headrest, letting the sweet-sour sugar dissolve on his tongue until it was smooth.

He chewed it then, the thick, choking sadness abating a little when he was focused on the sweet, sugary fruit flavor.

“Thanks,” he whispered, without opening his eyes.

He felt the bump of Ian’s knuckles against the side of his thigh and managed a weak smile.

Leif had seen his dad for a few minutes.

After Leif had spoken to the media and gotten the X-ray and treatment, his dad had been patiently waiting outside. Leif had hugged him and thickly told him “Congratulations.” He’d meant it, but it still made his heart ache.

“You gonna be okay?” Aksel had asked with a frown.

Leif had nodded.

He’d wanted to see Tanner too, but it was both too raw and too risky. He loved Tanner but truthfully, he was a little relieved the Rockets had flown straight home tonight. Leif needed a moment to lick his wounds before he faced Tanner again.

It was too late for him to go to Worlds. Too late for him to redeem himself.