Page 148 of Game Misconduct

“Why?” Tanner asked.

“Are you kidding me? Because I’m fucking old, okay? Because every goddamn day my bones hurt more and I’m tired and I want a fucking life that isn’t just hockey every day.”

“Oh.” Tanner said, deflating a little. “You weren’t going to tell me?”

“I was. I was gonna tell the whole fucking team, okay? But I wanted to do it—do it after the season was over.”

“The season is over.”

“The fuckingpostseason.” Crawford scowled. “Do you know far we’re going to make it? Because I sure fucking don’t. And I don’t want to fuck up what we’ve got. This team is good, you know it is.”

“Yeah, I do,” Tanner admitted.

“Really fucking good. And we’ve got a real shot. So I didn’t want everyone planning a bunch of goodbye shit when I don’t even know if I’m done or not. We go all the way, I can retire and rest my head at night. We don’t, maybe I think about another year. I don’t fucking know. But I don’t want any talk about it to fuck the team up, you hear me?”

“I hear you.” Tanner glanced away, staring at the flames in the firepit. “It just hurts, you know? That you wouldn’t tell me. I’m your partner. I’m supposed to be your friend, but you didn’t tell me about Sebastianorthis. You won’t even invite me to your fuckinghouse.”

Tanner’s eyes watered and he hated that he always got emotional about shit. Crawford would have a fucking field day with it too.

But to his surprise, Crawford grasped his upper arms. “Fuck, I’m sorry, dude.”

“What?” Tanner turned back to look at him. “What are you sorry for?”

“I don’t—I don’t fuckin’meanto make you feel like—like this, okay?”

“Yeah?” Tanner sucked in a breath, and it was a little wet and sniffly.

Crawford let go of him long enough to drag a piece of white fabric out of his pocket. “Here.”

Tanner took it, bewildered. “What the fuck is this?”

“A fucking handkerchief you fucking Gen Z Muppet.”

Tanner blinked at him. “What?”

“Just blow your fucking nose on it, you dipshit.”

Tanner blew his nose but when he went to hand the handkerchief back, Crawford made a face. “Uhh, you can keep it.”

Tanner shrugged and tucked it in his pocket.

“Don’t fucking take any of this shit so personally, Clayton. I like you. You’re my annoying little brother and I wouldn’t fucking trade you for anyone, okay?”

“I just want you to—to act like youlikeme sometimes. Totellme stuff.”

“I thought this arguing about shit was fun for you.” Crawford looked genuinely confused. “I thought it was ourthing.”

“It is!” Tanner said. “I just …”

He didn’t know what he wanted. He just knew it hurt to know that Crawford never told himanything.

Crawford sighed. “I didn’t mean to make you feel shitty, okay?”

“Okay,” Tanner said in a small voice.

“Somethin’s still bothering you. What is it?”

“When you retire, I won’t see you anymore,” Tanner blurted out. “You’ll just fucking disappear. You won’t answer the group texts, and you won’t show up to stuff, and we won’t be friends anymore.”