Page 125 of Game Misconduct

“Correct.” He swallowed thickly, pushing his lettuce around on his plate. “The worst part is, he’s a bit of a … well, he sleeps around a lot. Which is fine. Or, well, it was fine before I had feelings. But now I have feelings and I don’t thinkhehas feelings and it’s all very … difficult.”

“Leif.” She reached out and covered his hand with hers.

He realized his vision was a bit blurry and he took a few deep, steadying breaths before he glanced up at her. “So, you see why I have no idea what to do.”

“Yes, I do.”

They talked more about it over lunch, although she didn’t press him to tell her who the guy was. It helped anyway, being able to say these things aloud to someone who only listened and offered small bits of advice without ever telling him exactly what he should do.

It wasn’t that he needed to be told what to do, really. What he needed was to have a conversation with Tanner about all of this. But that thought terrified him.

What if Tanner laughed? What if he thought Leif was ridiculous for bringing feelings into what was supposed to just be fun?

What if he ended this?

It was the last part that made Leif hesitate the most. He didn’twantto end it.

He hadn’t sought this out, of course. Hadn’t wanted to care so much for someone. Not now, not when his career was really starting to take off.

But the thought of going back to hookups with Sérgio certainly didn’t appeal.

Not when he could have Tanner mumbling things in his sleep as he wound around Leif’s body or hearing Tanner’s laugh and seeing Tanner’s eyes sparkle with amusement or mischief when they video chatted.

Still, he’d bared his soul to his mom and even if it hadn’t helped him make a plan, at least he felt a little lighter.

So he turned the attention away from himself and asked his mom about her work and listened intently as she told him about it. She was seeing someone too—it was new, so she wasn’t sure if it was going anywhere—and agreed the guy sounded like a bunch of green flags so far.

He wasn’t sure if Tanner was all green flags or red, or maybe just one of those checkered ones they waved at Formula 1 races.

His mom asked him about hockey and how he felt about Nicky being back.

Leif frowned. “Conflicted? Anxious.”

“You’re using all of the coping mechanisms we taught you?”

“Yes,” he promised. “It’s not out of control or anything. It just … it shifted some things. I’m still on the top line while he gets back into playing, so I don’t—it isn’t—myrolehasn’t drastically changed. It just makes me wonder how long that’ll be the case.”

“Would they switch everything up this late in the season?”

He shrugged. “They’ll switch anything up at any point if it’ll get us a win. And that’s all I want too. Honestly, I keep telling myself it doesn’t matter. If they did it, it would just be—because that was what was best for the team. But then I worry that I’m not being enough of a team player and I’m letting my ego get in the way of things and …”

He glanced around aware that they were in public and if he kept going, he might get a little worked up about this.

She frowned. “Should I change the subject?”

“Probably,” he admitted.

“Not that I don’t want to talk about this with you.” She reached out and touched his hand where it rested on the table. “I just don’t want to push you if this is stressful.”

He shrugged. “It’s mostly something I need to work through in my own head anyway.”

“I’m just a text or a phone call away if you do want to discuss it more privately,” she said.

“I know. And I appreciate it.” Leif hesitated. “Actually, there is one other thing I wanted to discuss. Can I ask you something about Dad and Hawke?”

Silje looked slightly confused but nodded. “Of course. I’ll answer what I can, although you’d really be better off asking him.”

“I want your take on it,” he explained.