Page 23 of Brave Truth

“Awkward. Have either of you written or talked since?” Isembard’s voice was gentle, now.

“Sent him a note on Thursday. There was an article I thought he’d be interested in. I dropped off a copy in his office mail. It’s not like I know where he lives?” Claudio could actually figure it out, but that would take Penelope resources. It was also decidedly invasive without permission, and of course he would not do that. “He sent a quick note back, two brief paragraphs?”

Thesan set down her own bottle. He heard the slight clink. Then she said, her voice the careful tone she got with Orion sometimes, “Claudio, this isn’t something we’ve ever talked about with you. Is there a chance you’re interested in him like that?”

The idea had not remotely occurred to Claudio, honestly. That he liked Matthew’s company, yes. The quality of conversation was so far excellent. He kept thinking what it’d be like to get Matthew talking with Hypatia, in particular, but also Orion and Cammie. That he’d fit right into the three of them— and whoever else was handy— batting ideas around. Once he felt confident about it, anyway.

“How would I know? I’ve never, I mean, with anyone.” He looked up to stare at Thesan and Isembard. “Electra and I married when I was so young. And having the children, that was…” It had been utterly mechanical, on both their parts, with potions to help. For all they had both agreed with the actual goal at hand. “There wasn’t anyone I was interested in enough to figure out navigating that bit of our agreements. Then I was busy.”

“We know about the busy.” Isembard’s voice was a gentle rumble now. “But it seemed worth asking now.”

“I—” Claudio swallowed, then reached blindly for his cider bottle to have another buffering swallow of that. “Gabe and I talked about it a little. When he was in the stage of prodding me about untangling my marriage every couple of weeks on rotation.” Not that Gabe hadn’t been absolutely right to do so. Claudio and Electra were both much better off, and their children were too. Better to parent together and not pretend about anything else, or have to put together the impression of a united front to the world all the time. It was frankly easier to do that now.

Claudio set his bottle down carefully and went on. “He mentioned he’d not really been interested in anyone until Rathna, other than some sort of academic interest in wanting a relationship that looked like that. I could see what he meant. The long-term, steady thing.” Gabe had also been clear that his adolescent pashes, as he called them, had involved men, but that he’d not done anything about them for several reasons. “But he could see the spaces where that might have been a thing.”

“You’ve not had many examples of that with men to look at who are visible about it where people can see. Gil and Magni. Anyone else? Leaving aside the social considerations and your mother and a dozen other strategic problems.” Thesan offered it carefully.

“No. Not until I got to know Gil and Magni.” Gabe’s adopted uncles, who’d been together over sixty years now in a kind of partnership that Claudio utterly envied. “And then some of the Penelopes. Who do not reliably prefer socially approved relationships.”

“Well. You might— if you can do it in a way that would be all right with those you mention— bring that up with Matthew a bit. It’d ease the awkwardness, maybe. Just casually in conversation. You know how to do that without making a visible fuss over it.” Isembard was confident in that, and Claudio had to agree he had relevant skills.

He was, however, stuck on the question of social expectations and reactions. Thesan must have read his mind. Though, admittedly, it was the obvious train of thought for him to get caught on. “You know as well as we do what people say about men who prefer men. It’s a little easier for women. Half the people who’d throw conniptions can’t imagine women as sexual beings doing anything they’d disapprove of. They think it’s all genteel having tea and sharing expenses and retreating to chaste beds in different bedrooms.”

The image made Claudio smile and glance up, but then he nodded. “Mother— well, you can imagine Mother’s various comments over the years. Both times there’s been evidence, and times she’d had suspicions.” Certainly, part of not having any desires that way was at least partly not wanting to deal with whatever her reactions would be. He took a breath. “Thank you. Both of you. I’ve got a lot to think about. I think I can figure out how to reassure Matthew I wasn’t— um. Whatever he thought.” He’d have to think more about it, but he had a week at least.

“Good. You want to work through it, you let either of us know.” Thesan considered, then leaned back and reached for the darning basket. “How about we chat for another half hour or so, then I want to go see if the clouds have rolled in? You’re both welcome to come, but you needn’t if you don’t want to.”

Claudio found himself echoing Isembard’s desire to come up and look at stars if the clouds permitted, so that was a thing that was right with the world. It would do to be going on with.

Chapter 16

Tuesday, March 28th

Matthew nodded at York, who’d just brought out their food. Fish and chips for him, he’d been wanting it, and Claudio had chosen the same. Beer, for Matthew, he felt cider didn’t quite go with fish and chips, but Claudio had kept with the cider. Now he flicked his fingers to bring up the privacy enchantments again, just as smoothly as last time. Matthew cleared his throat and asked, “Did you have a good equinox, then?”

“Oh, grand.” Claudio looked up, smiling. He looked a bit more rested, certainly, though Matthew was fairly sure Claudio didn’t actually know what taking it easy meant. Not that Matthew could throw stones from glass houses on that one. But there had been more sleep, and he thought there were signs of some tension uncoiled a bit.

“Being out at Schola always. I— hmm. How to put this. I love being a Penelope. I only wish I’d begun with it much earlier.” That was an interesting question. Matthew would have to ask about it later. Claudio continued without a pause. “But being there, I know how I fit in, that there’s a space for me. That matters a lot. Some visits more than others. This one just had a lot of companionable doing things and being helpful. I think I needed that more than I realised.” Then he looked up, and before Matthew had to figure out what to say, asked, “How was that garden tour?”

“Oh, fascinating. They’re doing another in a month or two. Perhaps you might want to come? I’m curious what it’s like further into the spring. This was a lot of talk about the house and the history, and gesturing at the gardens. But of course, it’s only the earliest bulbs and the various plants that overwinter and such.”

“Do tell? I’d be curious, absolutely, if I can get the time free.” Claudio waved a chip between his fingers, and Matthew took the encouragement to keep talking.

“Then, to wrap up, they took us through the greenhouses. I rather want to talk to someone— I know a couple of people I could ask— about the stabilisation charms and how they impact the production. There has to be a particular ratio for best benefit, surely?” Matthew finished a couple of minutes later. Perhaps more minutes than he’d intended, since Claudio had eaten at least two-thirds of his meal. He’d asked a question or five in the middle of it, though. It hadn’t just been Matthew going on and on, as his mother would put it.

Now, Claudio certainly still seemed interested. He was considering something. “If you want another for your list, I’m sure I can get Ursula Fortier to do a private tour of their greenhouses for us sometime. They’ve tuned them for alchemical plant needs, focused on her uncle’s work, but they have a range of other things growing. Still some oranges, for example, they started partly as an orangery.”

Matthew looked up, blinking. “You’d mentioned her. And that she calls you uncle?”

“It means I can prevail on her for an hour or three of her time now and again. Honestly, she enjoys talking through it with knowledgeable people. The cost on your end is probably a little conversation about who best to talk to about a couple of things she and Jim would like to grow that need special permissions. Not to ease that or anything. Just cutting through the red tape to the right person or how to make sure they do the forms right the first time.”

“I can manage that.” Matthew tilted his head. “You wouldn’t ask me for something that would actually be a problem. I know that. Legally or in terms of my professional reputation.” He was certain of it, but he also hadn’t entirely meant to put it quite like that. It had a bit of suggestion in it somehow.

Claudio raised an eyebrow, then delicately finished the chip he’d been eating. He chewed and swallowed, then said, entirely conversationally. “I did also have someone explain to me about the name of this place, and— well.” That was absolutely no help in clarifying anything at all, and Matthew was suddenly terrified that he’d flirted in a way that he couldn’t back away from slowly. “I’m not keeping you from anyone specific, I hope.”

“No, not that. I haven’t in ages.” That sounded like he was commenting about reading a particular type of book or something, or a food. Food, maybe, given rationing, there were certainly plenty of choices. He hurriedly went on, “The general company, mostly. Knowing there are people who don’t mind.” That came out before he could stop himself. “You have an awful influence on my ability to keep my tongue behind my teeth.” It was a family saying, one he kept out of habit.

Claudio’s eyebrow went up at that, then he leaned back a little, deliberately a hair more casual, Matthew thought. “I think I am entirely justified in blaming Gabe for that. In the good ways, mind. And Orion. Well, Orion rubbed off a lot of my sharp edges and arrogance. Still does. Gabe has encouraged a certain amount more indulgence of my impulses than my upbringing tolerated. Not that it’s hard.”