Page 31 of Mad Mabel

“Linda. I hope you are more helpful than the last four girlys I’ve spoken to.”

“I’ll certainly try. I understand that you have questions around the legalities of an article written about you?”

“That’s right.”

“And… to confirm… I’m speaking with Mabel Waller?”

“I go by the name Elsie Fitzpatrick nowadays. But yes, we are one and the same.”

“So how can I help you, Ms. Fitzpatrick?”

“I want to know my legal rights. An article has been written about me that I believe is defamatory.”

“All right. Tell me about the article.”

“Well, I didn’t read the whole thing,” I admit. “But the headline said: ‘Eighty-two-year-old convicted murderer Mad Mabel Waller questioned over the suspicious death of nemesis neighbor.’ ”

Daphne growls, newly appalled.

“I see.”

“Now there are media swarming all over my little street and I’m a prisoner in my own house. Are they entitled to use my name in association with this crime? Which, by the way, is not actually a crime, my neighbor died of natural causes.”

“Well,” she says. “That depends.”

“On what?”

“On a number of things. Which is why it’s better for you to—”

“I don’t want to come into the office. I’m an elderly lady with mobility issues.” Small white lie, but what does Linda know? “I’m happy to pay for your time if you can tell me over the phone.”

Another white lie. I’m not happy to pay, what fool would be? But of course I will if push comes to shove.

She sighs. “Right, well… my first questions would be around the accuracy of the headline. So let’s start there. Were you questioned over your neighbor’s death?”

“I was. I was the one who found him.”

“I see. And they called him your…”

“Nemesis. That part was correct, at least.”

“Hmm.”

“They said I was eighty-two!” I say. “I’m not. I’m eighty-one.”

Linda doesn’t reply.

“What?” I say, finally.

“Given that the headline—save for your age—is accurate, you’ll have a hard time suing for defamation. We can search for other headlines, but given the notoriety of your… story, you’ll have a hard time suing anyone for defamation.”

“Why is that?”

“Because your story will more than likely be deemed to be in the public domain, which means it’s fair game.”

I don’t dislike Linda Raiti, even if I dislike what she is saying. She strikes me as a pragmatic and considered woman, and I admire this sort of person. It’s unfortunate, because if she’d been rude or unreasonable, I’d have had a place to focus the burning ball of emotion in my chest.

“So I can’t sue?”