Page 97 of Darling Girls

‘Well, no,’ I say. ‘It wouldn’t be, would it?’

‘So you had the baby at home?’ he said. ‘In the basement?’

‘I went into labour a month before Mum thought I would, but considering I’d had no ultrasounds to confirm my due date, that wasn’t a huge surprise. I’d had cramping on and off all day – Braxton Hicks contractions, Mum said, after consulting her library book. I knew it was more than Braxton Hicks. A woman knows. Equally, I had no interest in telling my mother that I was in labour. I’d have sooner delivered the baby dead than allow her to assist me.

‘When labour began in earnest, it was hard and fast and blindingly painful. The pains got worse and worse until I thought I might die . . . but then I reached down and felt her tiny, warm head. I can’t even begin to describe the experience to you – it was awful and wonderful, and . . . and I’d never felt so vitally important.’

Dr Warren inhales deeply, shaking his head. ‘You gave birth alone, in the basement?’

I nod. ‘Her name came to me as I held her to my chest. Amy was a character in a book I’d read. In the book, her mother said she’d chosen the name for its meaning –beloved. I’d never heard anything more perfect.’

I reach up and flick away a rogue tear.

‘I had no scissors to cut the cord, so Amy remained attached to me until my mother brought my breakfast in the morning.’

‘Wow,’ Dr Warren says. ‘An experience like that. I can see how that would change you.’

‘It does,’ I say. ‘It did. But not nearly as much as what happened next.’

50

NORAH

‘Meera?’

Alicia and Meera were headed back to Alicia’s room when Norah stopped them.

‘Before you go and do whatever it is you lesbians do, could I have a word?’

‘Can’t it wait, Norah?’ Alicia asked. ‘It’s been a long day.’

‘It’s just . . .’ She felt awkward suddenly. Norah wasn’t used to feeling awkward. ‘I could use some legal advice.’

‘It’s fine, Al,’ Meera said, sitting back down on the couch next to Norah. ‘Is Anna not working out?’

‘It’s not that,’ Norah said. ‘Anna’s great. It’s about . . . something else.’

She shot a glance at Alicia, who looked panicked.

‘What have you done?’ Alicia asked, looking defeated. She fell into the armchair.

‘It’s not a big deal,’ Norah said. ‘But remember that guy I punched on Friday? He’s asked me to make a porn video.’

Alicia whimpered, dropping her head into her hands.

But Meera was unflustered. ‘Alicia, there’s a notepad in my bag, can you grab it?’ Then she looked at Norah. ‘Let’s start at the beginning.’

51

ALICIA

‘What’s going to happen to Norah?’ Alicia asked Meera, when they were finally back in Alicia’s bedroom.

It was after midnight by the time Norah and Meera had finished talking. Meera had been reassuring, as she always was, but now that it was just the two of them, Alicia wanted to understand what this really meant for her sister.

‘As far as the CCO goes,’ Meera said, ‘it will depend on the judge. But given the extenuating circumstances – specifically, the fact that she’d just learned about the bones being found under the foster home in which she’d spent her childhood – I’d hope the judge would be lenient.’

‘And what about Kevin?’ Alicia seethed even saying his name. She wanted to punch that weasel-ferret man in the face – and felt oddly glad that that was exactly what Norah had done, even if it was what had got her into this mess. More than anything, though, she felt weak with gratitude that Norah had decided to confide in Meera before sending him the goddamn porn video he was requesting.