Page 55 of The Soulmate

Mei has called twice since then, and I let both calls go through to voicemail.

‘Mummy!’ the girls cry, and I put my laptop aside as they scramble onto my lap. Asha’s knee gets me in the belly, and it is surprisingly painful, but I ignore it and hug them both and listen to their stories about preschool. Then they tell me that Daddy has promised they can watch a movie if they’re very good.

‘We are very good,’ Freya says earnestly.

I do my best to smile. I feel Gabe’s gaze on me. Like everyone’s lately, it seems. I don’t look at him. I can’t.

Gabe sets up a couple of beanbags in front of the TV and the girls drop into them like stones. Then he microwaves some popcorn and gives them each their own individual bowls. OnceThe Little Mermaidis playing, he sits beside me.

‘What is it?’ he asks. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘I saw Max.’

I hadn’t been able to tell him over the phone, with Mum here. But he had obviously heard the panic in my voice because he doesn’t seem surprised. ‘Where?’

‘At The Pantry. He was ordering a coffee.’

Gabe closed his eyes, swore softly. ‘Did he see you?’

‘No. I snuck out of there like a thief in the night.’ The tears fill my eyes unexpectedly and I quickly wipe them away. ‘Sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.’

Gabe slides off the couch and kneels on the floor, between my legs. He makes it so it’s impossible for me to look anywhere but into his eyes. ‘It’s going to be all right, Pip. I promise you.’

In this cosy pod of security with our girls and the smell of popcorn in the air, it would be so easy to believe him. But I don’t. This is the one thing we’ve come up against that actually isn’t going to be okay.

‘Listen to me,’ he says, and I do, because more than anything I want someone else to take control. I want to be a bystander. I want to be like my two little girls, staring slack-jawed at the screen, my biggest worry that my popcorn will soon run out. ‘I know how difficult this has been. But you didn’t do anything wrong. You don’t need to lie or hide from anyone. You don’t need to worry about what the police will do.’ His face is pulsing with intensity. His cheeks are pink, and his eyes are desperate for me to hear what he is saying. ‘Iwas the one who lied to them, Pip. This is not your burden to carry.’

But I don’t believe him. Ididdo something wrong. And itismy burden to carry. Still, there’s something about hearing him say the words aloud, knowing that he is willing to carry this weight for me. For now, it’s enough.

It’s not lost on me that, despite everything, Gabe is the only one who can make it better.

The girls watch another movie afterThe Little Mermaidand I lie on the couch with a novel I don’t read while Gabe massages my feet. We keep the curtains drawn and, mercifully, no member of my family drops in to pay us a visit.

We order pizza for dinner and open a bottle of wine. The girls are lovely, delightful caricatures of themselves, which makes me think that Gabe must have bribed them to ‘be extra kind to Mummy’. I’m fine with it. If my soul was ill, this is my salve. Gabe is my salve.

He puts the girls to bed single-handedly. The stories are spectacular. There are costumes, singing and dancing, and a performance with several speaking roles. The girls laugh so hard I am sure someone is going to vomit, and equally sure that they are unlikely to settle before midnight. But I’m wrong on both counts.

When Gabe emerges from their room at 8 pm, I mute the television. I open my mouth to congratulate him, but he presses a finger to my lips. ‘Don’t talk.’

And so I don’t. I remain silent as he kneels between my legs and removes my underwear. This is exactly what I need. To disappear into a world of me and Gabe, a world where nothing exists exceptus.

I throw my head back and bury my fingers in his hair and give in to it.

53

AMANDA

BEFORE

‘How on earth did Gabe Gerard get involved withArthur Spriggs?’

It was like a nightmare. A recurring one. Part of me was shocked to learn that Arthur Spriggs still existed. After he disappeared from our lives the last time, it felt like he was a character in a movie – like Freddy Krueger or Hannibal Lecter – someone who had been terrifying right up until the point he ceased to exist.

Max shrugged wearily. ‘Same way I did the first time.’

Apparently, it wasn’t a huge surprise that they’d crossed paths. Crooks, politicians and oligarchs all attended the same glamorous parties frequented by people working in investor relations. The only thing you needed to earn a place on the guest list, apparently, was power.

According to Max, Gabe was a lamb to the slaughter. After all, Arthur Spriggs wasn’t an idiot. He would have seen the young executive, eager to prove himself, and known exactly how to play him. Gabe forced the deal through, despite the red flags raised during the compliance process, and Max himself had signed off on it.