Page 21 of The Soulmate

I was disarmed by his kindness, even though I reasoned that it was likely tied up in his passion for mental health and suicide prevention. But as he pressed the card into my hand, it felt like a strangely intimate moment – and I felt an unmistakable frisson of electricity.

18

PIPPA

NOW

Itold Gabe about Max and me immediately after it happened, eighteen months ago.

‘I understand,’ he said, when he’d recovered from the shock of it.

After everything he’d put me through, what else could he say? He had one job, and he knew it. It was the same thing he’d asked of me, time and time again. Loyalty. If he didn’t give it, how could he ask for it? And to his credit, he did. We’d put it behind us. Until now.

‘Amanda knew about Max and me?’

There’s something acutely familiar about the bodily sensations I’m feeling. The racing heart. The clammy hands. The velocity of my thoughts, so fast and strong it brings on an instant headache.

‘Yes.’

I turn towards Gabe. Bizarrely, he looks apologetic. As ifhehas a reason to be sorry. Preschool will be finished for the day in a few minutes, and parents are starting to line up at the gate with babies in tow. I hear Alice Williamson reminding people to contribute to Mrs Punch’s spa voucher.

‘How?’

‘She found a video on Max’s computer.’

‘A video?’

Gabe scratches at a piece of peeling paint on the bench. He is staring straight ahead at the playground. ‘I guess he must have filmed it.’

It takes me a moment to process this. Filming without consent sounds like something a teenager would do, or a pervert. Max, on the other hand, always seemed like a gentleman.

‘Seriously?’ I say.

It is, I realise, not an important detail, given what we are discussing. And yet my mind remains stuck on this ill-fitting piece. It causes a sudden shift in my entire recollection of that night, making it slippery and out of focus.

Gabe shrugs. ‘That’s what she said. Apparently she had the footage on a USB. She brought it with her because she didn’t think I’d believe her.’

I’m still trying to untangle this. ‘So she came to The Drop to tell you?’

‘Actually, it was you she wanted to talk to. She said that the video cut off at a crucial moment and she wanted to know what happened. If you and Max actually . . .’

A sick feeling builds in my belly.

‘And what did you say?’

‘I said you did.’

I think I might throw up. Amanda discovered a video of Max and me, then had her worst fears confirmed by Gabe. Moments later, she was at the bottom of a cliff.

And it’s all my fault.

Emily Kent hurries past on her way to pick-up. ‘Am I late?’ she asks. Gabe and I shake our heads, and she slows down. ‘Phew! Mrs Punch would kill me.’

We sit in silence till Emily is out of earshot.

‘What happened then?’ I ask, even though I don’t want to know.

‘She was so upset,’ Gabe says. ‘She said that fidelity was one of the foundations of their marriage.’