Page 19 of The Soulmate

My body has been identified by dental records. It’s probably for the best because, unsurprisingly, I’m not in great shape after my fall from the cliff. Twisted, bloody, broken. Half my teeth have been knocked out and there is some gnarly facial damage. It probably would have been enough to make Max bring up his breakfast.

Although . . . Max hasn’t eaten breakfast. Not today. Not yesterday. Usually, he is militant about his All Bran and peaches and black coffee, but he hasn’t been doing well since the police told him about me. I’d like to think it’s the grief of losing me. I hope it is. I know it’s notonlythat, though. Max is many things, but he’s not stupid. He knows something isn’t right about my death. He knows that while I would have been upset about what he’d done, I had plenty of ammunition with which to retaliate. Taking my own life isn’t something that I’ve ever talked about, ever considered. It doesn’t make sense and Max knows it. It’s driving him crazy and I have a front-row seat to his misery.

But I don’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would.

15

AMANDA

BEFORE

Iwouldn’t say I was nervous the first time Max came to my mother’s house. ‘Worked up’ would probably be a better description.

I was aware how her house would look to someone like Max. An unrenovated single-fronted two-bedroom next to a petrol station in Melbourne’s inner west, before the inner west became trendy. I suspect that until he met me, Max thought the inner west was only for factories and industrial estates, not a place where anyone actually lived.

I knew Mum had spent the day cleaning the house from top to bottom. She’d made a roast chicken using a Jamie Oliver recipe she’d found online. When I arrived, I found her in her best floral dress, and she was wearing lipstick. Something clutched at my heart when I saw that. She was on her best behaviour. Max had better be on his best behaviour too, I decided. If he looked down his nose at my mother’s house, the relationship was over.

Max arrived exactly on time, with flowers and a bottle of wine. He greeted Mum with a hug. Before he arrived, she’d worried about whether he’d give her one kiss or two . . . she’d even asked her friend, Rhonda, she said. The hug had been disarming and Mum had been surprised.

‘I’ve heard so much about you,’ Max said.

‘Ditto,’ she said shyly.

It was a surprise, how well the evening went. By that time I’d seen Max dine with businesspeople, but this was something quite different. He appeared invested in impressing my mother. He asked thoughtful questions and gave intelligent answers. He talked about my (still-fledgling) photography career as if I were Annie Leibovitz. After dinner, he told my mum to relax while he cleared the table.

Mum was beside herself.

‘He’s the one,’ she whispered, as he carried the plates into the kitchen. ‘He’s your happy ending.’

The house was small, and her whisper was loud. When I turned around, I saw Max looking very pleased with himself. But I wasn’t pleased. ‘He’s a good choice,’ I corrected her. ‘It makes sense.’

After dinner, we sat on the couch and ate Sara Lee Sticky Date Pudding with ice cream and looked at photo albums. Each time Mum produced another one, she said, ‘Look at me – I’ll be boring you to tears, Max!’ and Max shook his head and insisted she continue. At the end of the night, Mum was the one to hughim.

‘Do come again, Max. You’re welcome any time.’

‘Just try to stop me.’

Dinners with Mum became a regular thing after that. Each time, Max brought flowers and Mum got out the photo albums. After a while, I wondered who was enjoying it more, Max or Mum.

Mum got sick a few years after that. I’ll never forget the day the hospital called to tell us to come in quickly. Max dropped everything and we went straightaway, but she’d already died by the time we got there. She was the only family I had left. So it was surprising that Max was the one who fell to his knees, keening. Everyone assumed it must have been his mother who’d died. I kneeled on the floor and held him while he sobbed into my skirt. I always had a feeling it was his own mum he was crying for. Either way, those are the strange, beautiful and bizarre moments of marriage that no one tells you about. The moments that, even after everything, still pierce your heart.

16

PIPPA

NOW

Amanda Cameron.

I stride along the footpath, reciting the name over and over. Amanda Cameron. The woman on the cliff wasAmanda Cameron. Not a stranger, as Gabe claimed, but the wife of his former boss, Max Cameron. The media mogul who’d recruited Gabe to NewZ from a landscape gardener.

I’d left the house without even bothering to get a coat. I hadn’t even brought my keys or phone. I have that vaguely cold and sweaty feeling I get from travel sickness, the one that precedes vomiting. Why would Amanda Cameron come to our cliff? Why didn’t Gabe tell me it was her? What happened that night?

I throw open the gate of the preschool. To my left, there’s a washing line strung from the door to the fence with paintings hung with pegs; to my right is the veggie patch the kids have been working on. ‘We got our first carrot!’ the newsletter had announced proudly last week. There is a pile of tiny jumpers and hats in a lost property box, and a little table holding artwork ready to be taken home. Normally this space fills me with contentment. It’s a virtual haven of adorableness. Today all I can think about is keeping my breakfast down.

I punch in the code and let myself into the classroom. I find Gabe at a tiny table cutting up slips of coloured paper. The children are outside; I can see them through the window sitting at tables, having their morning tea. Gabe looks up, surprised but happy to see me. Until I place the newspaper on the table in front of him.

He glances at it quickly, then his eyes close.