Page 94 of Ring Rust

Jasper laughed, a wet, relieved sound. “I love you, too. And I love my new carousel.”

Jasper offeredto drive home because he wanted to hold Ryan’s hand the whole way. Ryan wasn’t going to say no to that, so now he was in the passenger seat, Jasper’s hand wrapped in his as they drove through the dark, winding roads leading out of the park.

“I still can’t believe you hid that from me,” Jasper said.

“I figured you knew.”

“I mean, I assumed you’d fix it up the same way I do every year. I never expectedthat. It’s gorgeous. You did an amazing job." Jasper turned to smile at him. “And now you can finally relax and enjoy your retirement, huh?”

Ryan smiled back, nodding quietly. He could. And he would, if that’s what would keep Jasper around. But secretly, he’d been thinking of what his next adventure would be. Not wrestling—he knew he was done. His body was too old, Jasper had too many bad memories. He’d left that world permanently, and in a good place.

But staying home and doing nothing still sounded like a nightmare. He hadn’t done that his entire adult life, and he felt too young to start doing it now. What he really wanted, was to?—

“Ry?”

He must have been quiet longer than he thought.

“Hm?”

“I said, now you can finally relax and enjoy your retirement, huh?”

“Yeah. For sure! I’m totally looking forward to it.”

Jasper turned briefly, his face unconvinced despite the smile. Ryan was grateful for the roads requiring extra focus from Jasper. It gave him more time to figure out what to say.

“You’re being weird,” Jasper said.

“I am not. I am normal.”

Jasper choked out a ridiculous laugh, and then, to Ryan’s horror, he pulled the car to the side of the road.

“Okay. What’s up?” Jasper removed his hand from Ryan’s and patted his thigh, like a friend.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

Jasper turned the dome light on, turning the car from a dark cave Ryan could hide in, to a cozy room where he and his husband were inches apart, the soft lighting overhead casting beautiful shadows off the angles of Jasper’s face. And that was unfortunate, because that made being honest a terrifying endeavor. Honesty might lead to a fight, and he couldn’t handle any more fighting. He didn’t have it in him. Tension coiled in his belly and his breathing sped up, too loud in the otherwise silent car.

“Whoa,” Jasper said. “Your hand is all sweaty. What’s going on with you? Are you carsick?”

Ryan laughed through his nose and shook his head. He’d driven those roads almost as many times as Jasper. He could do it with his eyes closed.

“No. I’m not carsick.”

“Ryan,” Jasper warned.

He pressed his finger and thumb to his eyes and blew out a slow breath. “I don’t want to retire.”

“What?” Jasper said, laughing disbelievingly.

Okay, not off to a good start.

“I don’t want to retire. I mean, I want to retire from wrestling. I’m done wrestling. But I don’t want to sit at home and raise chickens.”

Jasper pulled his hand into his lap and Ryan stared at it, wishing he could will it back into his own.

“The commentator thing? Where you go on tour?” Jasper asked, picking at his cuticles. Ryan could tell he’d been aiming for casual, but it didn’t land.

“No,” Ryan said. “No. Never. I promise, no more touring.”