Page 71 of Ring Rust

“So, um, what’s your plan, exactly?” Jasper finally asked.

“What?”

“The kids are gone. I figured you’d… I don’t know, go back to Beni’s. Or go back to Boston? To see Micah? I heard you guys on the phone the other day.”

“Yeah, there’s a party next weekend. But no, I mean, I haven’t been to my Boston place in months.”

“Well,” Jasper said, shrugging. “Why not?”

“Because I…” Ryan sighed. “Well, now it’s because I thought we were…” He trailed off and looked to Jasper for help.

“You didn’t even text to let me know you were running late,” Jasper said.

“I did! Look, I—” Ryan pulled his phone out and scrolled to a text but was met with a red exclamation point signaling its failure to send. “Shit.”

Jasper looked at Ryan’s phone screen, too.Be home later than I thought, sorry!

He sighed and sat back on his chair, spreading his hands out on the counter to brace himself. “Do you know how maddeningit is to care for someone and never know where you land on their list of priorities on any given day?”

Ryan stiffened. “You are my priority. Every day, for months, you’ve been my priority.”

“You were two hours late for the first dinner we’ve had alone in… I don’t even know how long.”

“Yes, because I was working on something at the park. For you, because you are my priority.”

Jasper put his face in his hands and groaned. When he looked up again, Ryan’s lips were pressed together anxiously. His fingers spun the wine glass slowly, and all Jasper wanted to do was get out of his seat and give him a hug. But he couldn’t—not without being honest, in plain words.

“I can’t trust you, Ry. I don’t want to do this thing where we have plans and you decide something else is more important. Where you convince yourself it’s okay because at some point, in the future, it will benefit me. I am telling you, I’ve been telling you—I need you here.With me. I don’t want wine and watches and chicken coops. All I’veeverwanted is you.”

“And I’m here,” Ryan said.

Jasper leaned back in his seat. “I called Logan, looking for you. He said you guys were done for the week. He was at a bar in Boston.”

Ryan shifted his weight to his other foot. “Well, yeah. We are done… with… most things.”

“But?”

“But,” Ryan continued, “there are a few things left.”

Jasper raised an eyebrow. “Are you going to elaborate?”

“Not… at this time.” Ryan braved a smile across the counter.

Surprising both of them, Jasper laughed. “Okay.”

Ryan relaxed in response, so visibly relieved it was almost hard to look at him. Jasper picked at his lip, the guilt of what he knew was coming eating at him.

Maybe noticing the shift in Jasper’s mood, Ryan stepped closer. “I’m sorry I was late. Okay? But things have been good lately, haven’t they? I’m trying to show you how good it can be, and I think I’ve done an okay job.”

It was probably cruel to force Ryan to be the one to acknowledge what they were both feeling only to shut him down immediately, but Jasper didn’t know what else to do. Two hours earlier, he’d been letting his mind wander to thoughts of the two of them reuniting permanently. Ryan’s presence and support for the last few weeks had reminded him so much of the old Ryan, he had been considering asking him to move back in over dinner.

And he was pretty sure he still wanted that… eventually. But it didn’t have to be right now, and it should wait until Jasper was sure the change wasn’t a fluke. Not until one broken promise—accidental or otherwise—didn't send him tumbling back into every disappointment that had come before.

“They have,” Jasper said. “And you have. That’s why this is all so hard.”

“What is?”

“I just… I don’t want to make permanent decisions based on a couple of good weeks together. I don’t want to rush this, because I?—"