Page 43 of Ring Rust

“Thank you for the ride.”

“You’re welcome. And if things don’t work out, and you decide no strings sex is your next goal, feel free to reach out.”

Jasper laughed briefly. “I will. Goodnight, Shawn.”

“Goodnight. Don’t do anything stupid in there,” Shawn said, nodding towards the house.

“No promises.”

Jasper got out of Shawn’s car with his heart lodged high in his throat. Ryan was inside, butwhy?

He walked through the door and dropped his coat in the mud room before entering the kitchen, spotting small signs along the way that confirmed Ryan was there. His shoes were inside the door, a jacket was draped over the chair at the kitchen table, there was a toolbox on the counter next to a recently openedbottle of whiskey taken from the bar cart. A pair of pants was crumpled in the hallway.

The lights were on in the far rooms of the house. The living room and office, but not the bedroom. At least Ryan respected one boundary, he supposed. Jasper walked towards the yellow glow, readying himself for the confrontation he was sure would result in one of two things: a huge blowout fight, which he was hoping for, or nothing at all, because they chose not to talk.

Jasper wanted to fight. If he fought with Ryan, he didn’t have to deal with the fact that he missed him. If he could get Ryan to fight back, Jasper could feel confident he’d made the right decision in leaving. And if he felt confident in his decision, he would stop hurting. Maybe they both would.

The couch in the living room faced the doorway, and as Jasper approached, he saw Ryan sitting alone. The TV was off and there was no music on. He didn’t even appear to be looking at his phone. As Jasper stepped closer, he confirmed it. Ryan was doing something much sadder—staring at a photo of Jasper at the dinner celebrating his promotion to principal.

Pity stirred first. But then Jasper remembered the empty seat at the table that night, how humiliated and lonely he’d been, and pity turned to hurt. To see Ryan upset about his own behavior now, years later, peeled back the protective layers Jasper had wrapped around himself just to survive that memory.

“You were invited that night,” Jasper said, putting the watch on the coffee table between them. “You couldn’t make it.”

Ryan turned slightly, his eyes glassy from alcohol. He sniffled, and Jasper felt another quick jab of guilt, but it disappeared just as quickly.

“You didn’t drive here like that, did you?” he asked.

Ryan sighed and turned back to staring straight in front of him. “Of course not. I didn’t have anything to drink at the party. And I haven’t had that much now, I just?—”

“Good.”

“I’m not a bad person,” Ryan said.

Jasper wanted to say that was questionable, but he didn’t want to be the bad guy in this fight. He wanted this to be a closing chapter on all the ways he’d been hurt by Ryan. But before Jasper could think of anything else to say, Ryan spoke again.

“Well, maybe I am. Or was. I don’t want to be. I’m sorry I missed this dinner. I’m sorry I missed… God, so many things.”

This wasn’t what Jasper wanted at all. He’d come in coiled tight like a rattlesnake, ready to strike, but Ryan’s apology, should he choose to accept it, left nowhere for his fangs to land. He pushed through. “Take your pity party elsewhere.”

“It’s not a pity party,” Ryan said, turning again. He held the photo up. “I’m apologizing for being a dick three years ago.”

“I’ve only had that job for two years.”

“Oh,” Ryan said. “Okay, well, you’re the one who brought someone to the party tonight. The sacred Christmas party where wemet.”

Ryan held up another photo then. One Jasper hadn’t looked at in years. Stevie had taken it at the Christmas party the year after they met—Ryan wearing a Santa hat, Jasper holding mistletoe above their heads.

Jasper glanced at Ryan. “Those were simpler times.”

Ryan nodded, his face softening. “Remember how you bet me five dollars I wouldn’t wear that hat all night?”

Jasper laughed briefly, which annoyed him. “You couldn’t do it. You never paid me.”

“I think I’ve made up for the five dollars by now.”

There it was. Jasper could pick a fight about the suggestion that Ryan’s money was the solution to any thoughtless act. “Why are you here, Ry?”

“The party.”