Page 76 of Faithless Vows

When I step back outside a little while later, I find Finn waiting by his car. “That was quick,” he says as Iwalk over. He opens the passenger door for me, and once I’m inside, he goes round to the driver’s side, and we set off for town. On the drive, Finn fills me in on work and what he’s been up to since I last saw him, and before I know it, we’re parking outside the café. He guides me toward the door with a hand lightly at my lower back and opens it for me.

The café is warm and busy, filled with the low hum of conversation and the smell of fresh coffee. I look around for an empty table, and Finn nods toward a booth by the window. “There.” A waitress is clearing a few cups from the table, and when she sees us, she waves us over. We take our seats while she finishes wiping it down, and she takes our order before heading back to the counter. A few minutes later, she’s back with our drinks. “Tea for you, love,” she says, setting my cup in front of me and sliding Finn’s coffee toward him. Before either of us can thank her, she’s off to another table.

I add milk and sugar to my cup and watch as Finn picks up his own. When he takes a drink, his hair shifts enough that I can see the thin red line near his hairline, all that’s left from where Ronin hit him. Guilt tightens in my chest. I hate that he got hurt because of me, and before I can stop myself, I’m asking the same question I seem to ask every time I see him. “How are you feeling?”

He sighs and sets his cup down. “I’m fine, Lannie.”

I keep looking at the mark. “But Finn…”

The corner of his mouth lifts. “It’s been over a month, Lannie. I promise I’m all right.”

“I’m sorry,” I say quietly, frustrated that I can’t seem to let this go. “I just hate that you got hurt.”

Finn reaches across the table and covers my hand with his. “That wasn’t on you.”

“It doesn’t feel that way.”

“Maybe not,” he says. “But it’s still true.”

I frown and look down at where Finn’s hand still covers mine. I know he’s right. I know what happened wasn’t my fault. But every time I see that scar, I’m right back there. I hear the crack of the rock hitting his skull. I see him crumpled in the snow, bleeding, while Ronin drags me away before I can reach him.

“Alannah,” Finn says softly, and I lift my head, pulling my focus back to him. “I was hoping I could talk to you about something.”

“Of course,” I say.

Finn lets out a slow breath, steeling himself. “I like you, Lannie.”

My pulse stutters at his admission.

“I always have,” he continues. “And now that you’re home… I’d like the chance to court you proper, if you’ll let me.”

“Finn,” I say quietly. “You know I’m still married.”

“I know,” he says at once. “And we’ll take it slow. I’m only asking for a chance.”

I hold his gaze, unsure what to say. This is Finn. My closest friend when we were children. The boy who knew me before Boston, and the man who has been there for me ever since I came home. And now he’s looking at me with so much hope in his eyes that it makes my chest ache. “I think I’d like that,” I tell him.

A relieved smile breaks across his face, bringing out the dimple in his cheek. “Really?”

I nod, and his smile only grows. “There’s a dance on at the hall this week,” he says. “I could take you, if you’d like.”

“That sounds nice,” I say.

We stay a little while longer, and when the waitress checks on us, Finn orders a currant bun. We pick at it while we finish our drinks, and after that, he drives me home.

At the front door, he pauses. “So I’ll pick you up Thursday, then? For the dance?”

I nod. “Thursday.”

For a second, neither of us seems to know what to do. Then he pulls me in for an awkward hug before stepping back. “I’ll see you then, Lannie.” Before I can say anything else, he turns and heads back to his car.

I let myself into the house and close the door behind me. As I take off my shoes and coat, I hear my grandparents talking in the kitchen, but instead of going in, I head quietly upstairs to my bedroom, needing some time alone.

Once inside my room, I close the door and sit on the edge of the bed. For a moment, all I can think about is Finn. The nervous look on his face before he asked to court me. The way he’d lit up when I said yes. How easy it had been to just talk and spend time together. For the first time in a long while, I feel a little lighter.

But the longer I sit there, the harder it is to keep thoughts of Ronin at bay. And once they come, so does the awful feeling that by saying yes to Finn, I’ve betrayed my husband.

I know it’s foolish to feel this way after everything Ronin’s done to me, but knowing that doesn’t make it go away. He still feels as much a part of me as he ever did, and every letter he sends makes it that much harder to let him go.