Page 86 of The Breakup Bookshop

I stop dead in my tracks as I see her standing on the pavement, looking down at her phone, her face confused, as she checks the street sign on the side of the building.

My heart stops. For a moment, before my brain catches up, my heart is overjoyed to see her, but then I remember what she did.

Macy. I can’t believe Macy is here.

30

Itake a deep breath and consider bolting past her, but she looks up and catches my eye. I lower my head, feeling her watching me.

‘Ava,’ she calls gently.

I look down at the ground and start walking towards the bookshop. I don’t want to do this with her. I have everything and nothing to say all at the same time. Nothing nice, though. And what did Granny always say? If you’ve not got something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

‘Ava, please, can you talk to me? Just give me a second. Please,’ she pleads as she approaches me.

She looks different. Her usual wide, smiling face is gaunt and pale. She’s dressed all in black, like she’s attending a funeral. Macy never wears black. My hearts squeezes in my chest as I try to stop the voice in my head reminding me how much I’ve missed her.

‘He’s in the bookshop,’ I say, avoiding eye contact. ‘I can take you to him.’

‘I want to talk toyou,’ she says. ‘Please. Can we sit down somewhere?’

I want to say no, but I can’t.

‘Follow me.’

We take a seat on a bench by the beach and look out to sea. I sneak a look at her face again. She looks awful. Drained. Exhausted. Despite everything, I feel sad for her. I never wanted to see her like this. I have to stop myself from wrapping my arms around her and telling her that everything is okay, because it’s not. I’m not sure it ever can be.

‘You were right about Ullapool,’ she says with a sad smile, gazing into the distance. ‘It’s beautiful here.’

‘So, you’ve come to get Seb. Why waste time with me?’

‘It’s not just about Seb. I’m so sorry, Ava,’ she says. She shakes her head from side to side, wiping the tears away with trembling fingers. ‘I’m a mess. Seb – he just left without saying a word. I went to work, came back and he was gone.’

I’ve never seen Macy cry before. Ever. She’s always been the life and soul of the party, swinging from the chandeliers on every night out, singing karaoke at the top of her lungs, dancing into the early hours.

But now Seb has broken her too.

‘He finished with you,’ I whisper.

She turns to look at me, appalled. She shakes her head. ‘No. He didn’t. Oh God, I knew he’d say that. You probably think I deserve this. I guess it’s called karma.’

Bloody Seb. Of course he hasn’t broken up with Macy. He’s back here to try his luck, hedge his bets. I should have known.

She turns around on the bench and looks me in the eye. ‘I want you to know something. I’ve been in love with him for years, Ava. I tried to block it out, to stop myself from feeling that way about him. He wasn’t interested in me, not like that. And I was glad, because of you.’

I swallow, unable to compute what Macy is saying. She’d been in love with Seb the whole time we’d been together?

‘I tried going out with different people. But he was always in the back of my mind. I was on my Christmas night out at the end of last year, and he turned up at the same bar. I know I should have resisted, and I tried, but I just… I couldn’t. I’d been suppressing the feelings for so long. I should have stopped it. God, Ava, I wish I’d been able to stop it.’

Tears fall onto her black trousers as she continues. ‘I never wanted to hurt you. You’ve been like a sister to me. A soul sister, remember? But he filled my head with all these promises. I thought he would be different with me. I guess… I was wrong. I wish I’d had somewhere to go, someone to talk to about it, but I felt so lonely. It’s been so lonely without you.’

Macy’s whole body shakes. I think of the breakup bookshop and how much it has helped everyone who’s crossed its threshold. Macy doesn’t have that. She’s lost me, she’s lost Seb, and she’s left with no one.

‘You could have talked to me about it, Macy,’ I say, carefully.

‘What good would that have done?’ she asks, wiping her eyes. ‘He loved you. He wanted you. He still does. That’s why he’s here. He never wanted to be with me. I was just a bit of fun that you were never meant to find out about. God, I feel so stupid. I’m so sorry, Ava.’

‘And when he left, you knew he’d come here?’