Page 68 of The Breakup Bookshop

‘I didn’t say that.’

‘But you might?’

I frown as his face flushes a deeper shade of red.

‘That’s why I have to do the funding application, Rory. I can’t just sit around hoping things improve. I need to make things happen. I haven’t been handed a successful business, you know.’

The sides of his mouth turn down. ‘What, like me?’

‘Your business is well established. You don’t have to worry the way I do.’

‘Oh, okay, great, thanks for letting me know.’

He turns around to leave.

‘Where are you going?’

‘Home. You’re welcome to the flowers, if you decide to stick around long enough.’

He’s gone before I can protest.

Our first fight. Well, hardly our first fight.

Just the first one where it feels like a punch to my gut.

24

Itoss and turn all night.

The flowers. The offer of a home-cooked meal. The invitation to his house.

Most girls would have jumped at the chance.

And what had I done? Blown it. Instead of explaining my hesitation, instead of opening up and being honest like I tell everyone else to be, I’d started to babble about funding applications. And now the possibility of this new, sweet relationship that I can’t get enough of feels like it could come crashing down at any moment. I’d made him feel like having a successful family business was his fault, even though I knew he was fulfilling his family duty. Worst of all, he thought I’d gone back on my word. I’d said I was staying here and now it looked to him like I might not. God, I’d messed up.

The next morning, I wait outside his shop, the flowers he’d given me in hand. He arrives, at 8.56 a.m. on the dot. I hover, waiting for him.

‘An apology,’ I say, holding the flowers out to him, as he climbs out of the car. ‘Can we talk?’

He looks at me thoughtfully and nods. ‘Sure. Come in.’

As he opens The Toolbox, I follow him inside.

‘I’m sorry about last night,’ I say. ‘The reason I didn’t come to dinner… I should have told you. It’s just… your house is near my granny’s house. I haven’t been there since I moved to Ullapool. I haven’t had the courage. I’d be an emotional wreck. I should have told you that.’

He looks me in the eye and nods. ‘Are you sure that’s why you didn’t want to come? It sounds like you’re freaking out a bit.’

‘About what?’

‘Us,’ he says. ‘This. I know you were hurt by the verging on grey guy. You moved hundreds of miles to get away from him. That’s why you started the breakup bookshop thing in the first place. You needed to talk about him so you started the group. You’re not over him, are you?’

My mouth falls open. ‘It’s not… I’m not…’

‘Ava, it’s fine, you don’t need to explain.’ He shakes his head, unwilling to look me in the eye.

His shoulders slump. He looks even more crushed than I feel. His eyes are heavy and bloodshot too. Looks like I’m not the only one who struggled to sleep last night.

‘But I want to!’ I protest. ‘I really want to. It’s not Seb, I promise you. It’s the thought of seeing… Oh, God, it sounds so stupid when I say it out loud. I want to see her house, but she won’t be in it, and that will kill me, Rory. I still picture her there, even though I know she’s not. And the support group… that’s not just about breakups. It’s about opening up about loss in general. And it’s not just for me, it’s for everyone.’