Page 98 of Plot Twist

‘Nope,’ Drew said. ‘I talk to her in my head.’

‘You should try talking out loud.’

‘Maybe.’

We reached the end of the path and our two cars parked directly under the same streetlight.

‘Do you want me to come back to your flat?’

‘Not a chance,’ I replied. ‘I’m fine on my own.’

He exhaled.

‘It’s a no, isn’t it?’ he asked, staring at me with his sad brown eyes.

I took his hand. ‘I’m sorry, Drew. We can be friends, but it can’t be more than that. Not after everything that’s happened. I don’t think it’s what you really want either, not really. I don’t want either of us to do something I know we’d regret.’

He sighed and nodded. ‘I get it. In a weird way, I think I even agree. I’m glad we’re friends again, Becca. I need you. You’re the only one who really gets it.’

In a weird way, I needed Drew, too. But not in that way. Not any more.

‘Me too.’

‘Let me know how Wednesday goes,’ Drew said. ‘I can come with you, you know, if you change your mind. Whatever you need.’

‘Thanks,’ I replied. ‘I’ll be fine though.’

‘I’ll see you at the memorial.’

He kissed me swiftly on my forehead and walked away without looking back.

We got into our cars and I watched as he pulled away. I switched on the engine. The car radio blasted a Beyoncé song. I closed my eyes and pictured Rae and me dancing together, full swing, in the middle of the dance floor. I hummed the song and drank in the memory the whole way home.

My flat was exactly as I’d left it, but somehow the space felt much emptier.

I exhaled as I picked up the takeaway menus that had been posted through the door and scattered all over the hallway before hanging up my coat. It perched alone beside two empty pegs. I thought of Ivy’s tiny nursery bag, jacket and welly boots cluttering up the entrance way at Bellinder Cottage, alongside Riley’s coats and shoes.

I shook my head. I was back to real life now. Home.

The cushions slumped in defeat on my sofa, which sagged in the one place I always sat on. I looked out of my large tenement windows into the dark night and watched the streetlight outside my flat flicker, as it always did. I flicked the lamp switch in the corner and the whole room filled with a soft amber glow as I closed the curtains.

The pictures on my wall made me smile. Rae was still up there, grinning down on me. I hummed the Beyoncé song I’d heard in the car.

I squeezed my eyes closed and stood for a minute, breathing in and out.

I ignored the giant pile of washing in my suitcase and instead, pulled out my laptop.

I had to finishQueen Bee. Anna and Rosie were on the road to fixing their friendship and I was finally willing to let them.

46

The bus driver barely glanced at me as I beeped my card under the reader and squeezed past a buggy, sliding into an empty seat up the back. I put my earphones in and watched all the familiar sights of Glasgow flash past in a blur of memories.

Rae and I walking to high school together so we could save our bus fares for cigarettes. Rae puking at the side of the road into a bush after drinking too many cocktails (which was a general theme of our almost adulthood, not a one-off event). Drew and I going out for leisurely walks, with him bending my ear about possible career paths while I thought of the lesson plans I should be working on at home.

I glimpsed, in the distance, the derelict school building that once hosted my swimming lessons. I remembered struggling for breath as I dove deeper under the water to retrieve a small brick placed at the bottom of the pool. I couldn’t progress to the next level in my lessons until I retrieved the brick, but I couldn’t hold my breath for long enough without feeling I was about to pass out either. So I never progressed. Dad just said I could swim well enough without it.

As the bus pulled up to the hospital, I pushed on the button to indicate I was getting off. I’d get a taxi back, once it was all over.