Page 103 of Plot Twist

‘It wasn’t anyone’s,’ he said. ‘Just an awful, horrible accident.’

I felt my whole body relax, as I sat back on the couch.

‘It’s such a relief to hear that,’ I confessed. ‘I know it doesn’t change anything. It’s not like it brings her back but I blamed myself. I’d been complaining that we never saw each other any more. I just wanted her here.’

‘Everyone wanted her home, Becca. I’m sorry you’ve been carrying that burden around with you. I wish you’d said earlier.’

I wished I had, too.

‘I know what it’s like,’ he continued. ‘To carry that kind of guilt with you. I feel like I’ve been weighed down with it since Rae died, too. It’s what I wanted to talk to you about.’

I frowned. ‘You have? Why do you feel guilty?’

He shifted uncomfortably on the couch.

‘There was something that Rae didn’t know about me,’ Adam explained. ‘And I guess I wish she did. She died without really knowing me.’

He looked down at his shoes.

I moved closer towards him and gripped his shaking hand.

‘You can tell me, Adam,’ I promised.

‘I wish I’d told her,’ he whispered, his eyes squeezed closed. ‘That . . . I’m gay.’

As I wrapped my arms around him, I felt his heart beating in his chest. I held him close against me, wondering whether it was right for me to tell him the truth.

‘She knew, Adam,’ I whispered, eventually.

He pulled away from me, eyes wide with shock.

‘What do you mean?’ he frowned. ‘She couldn’t have known. She would’ve said something. Wound me up about it, probably.’

I shook my head.

‘We saw you with someone while we were in a bar in Glasgow one night. About five years ago. She thought about coming over to talk to you, but we left instead. She wanted to wait for you to be ready.’

He sat back against the sofa and exhaled.

‘I can’t believe it . . . I can’t believe she knew.’

‘She would never have wound you up about it, Adam. She just didn’t want to put pressure on you when you weren’t ready to come out.’

‘My mum doesn’t know though, does she?’ he asked, his face etched with anxiety.

I shook my head. ‘Rae never said a word.’

‘Linda’s as holy as they come, Becca. But I’d like to tell her, and dad too. Especially now. But it’s scary, you know?’

I nodded. ‘It is. I know I’m not Rae, but I’m here for you. We can talk any time. And if you do decide to tell Linda and Jim, I can be right there with you, if you want. Whatever you need.’

‘Thank you,’ he smiled, his face flushed. ‘I think I’ll talk to them on my own, though. I’ve got someone I’d like to introduce to them. I’d like you to meet him, too. I think it’s time. Life is too short, you know?’

‘I’d love to meet him,’ I smiled.

‘I’m glad Rae knew,’ he said. ‘I wish I’d been the one to tell her, but I’m happy she knew who I really was. That helps.’

As I squeezed Adam the Absolute Worst into a tighter cuddle, relief flooded through me. In the space of one short conversation, the guilt that had plagued me had been lifted, plus I’d managed to ease Adam’s guilt too.