Page 8 of 10 Things I Skate About You

Foley removes his glasses, and it’s the most obnoxious thing I’ve ever seen that’s also, admittedly, very impressive and moderately sexy.

Lance reads from a Post-it note: “Mr. Foley is offering an all-expenses-paid dinner at For Goodness Steak, Kenton’s renowned steakhouse that sources their organic beef from regional ranches and donates ten percent of their profits to a charity organization that plants trees. For carnivores with a conscience. This lot is open to vegans and vegetarians, as Adam would like to point out that there are excellent salads on the menu. But he also notes that he will mercilessly make fun of you and your life choices all night. Drinks afterward at The Penalty Box. He’ll pick you up in his truck and drop you off with a smile on your pretty face.”

“Shall we start the bidding at forty dollars?” Rhys asks.

My camerawork is shaky because I’m laughing so much.

Judy, the cashier from Good Earth Market, raises her hand.

Shauna from the bookstore quickly outbids her with a hundred dollars.

Sage from The Cosmic Cup and Saffron from Bend it Like Kenton Yoga Studio get in on the action, as do a few other women who I didn’t used to think were crazy, and things escalate to three hundred dollars very quickly.

I notice my brothers giving Tina and Eunice some intriguing looks as Rhys tries to keep up with the bids. Some faint voice in my head tells me to run when I see my sisters-in-law conferring beside me. They nod in agreement, and suddenly, Eunice grabs my left wrist, raises my hand against my will, and says, “Five hundred dollars from Kate Pogue!”

“Five hundred dollars to Kate Pogue!” Rhys shouts into the mic. “Going once, going twice—sold to the confused redhead in the back!”

“You’re welcome,” Eunice says as she lets go of me and high-fives Tina.

What the fuck? I didn’t even have time to protest.

I am still in shock when I feel Tina’s arms around my waist, giving me a hug from behind. “You’ll thank us later, baby girl.”

I lower my phone and somehow manage to look up at the stage. Foley is still standing there, squinting across the room at me. He looks as blindsided as I feel, except that the deer-in-headlights look quickly becomes a cocky-asshole smirk. He winks at me and makes a very subtle kissy face that I would like to slap before he slides his aviators back on, turns on his heel, and walks off the stage.

“No” is all I can say. “No.” Turning to Tina and Eunice, I ask, “What the hell?!”

“We’ve been pooling funds for this for a week! Your parents and cousins sent us money. Granny and Grandad Pogue sent forty dollars cash in the mail with a card that saysGet it, gurl.” Tina tells me, as ifthat’smy issue with this scenario.

“I am not going on a date with that man. This is not legally binding.” I storm over to Ms. Percy.

Noah Barrett, son of the head coach of the Comets, is now onstage, dancing around to “You Came to Party.” He’s offering up to some lucky lady dinner at Tim Hortons and “wherever the night takes us.” Ms. Percy doesn’t acknowledge my trembling, rage-y presence.

“Hi, Ms. Percy!” I shout. “There’s been a mistake. I did not consent to bid on a date with Adam Foley. So you should give it to whoever had the highest bid before Eunice threw me under the bus.”

Without glancing at me, she says, “The bid has already been recorded and paid for. Your sister-in-law has already sent the money via PayPal. If you’d like to issue a complaint and request a refund, you may speak to one of the Kincaids. Or perhaps you’d like to tell the community-fundraising coordinator from the children’s hospital that you don’t care about the well-being of the patients at said hospital.” She gestures toward the very sweet-looking middle-aged lady who looks like she’d really like to bid on Noah Barrett if only her husband weren’t such a stick in the mud.

“Oh, for crying out loud,” I grumble. “Well, I’d like to officially donate the winning bid to whoever had the second-highest bid.”

“That’s against the rules,” she snaps at me. Then she flicks me away with her hands. “Scoot!”

5

KATE

“This will not stand, you know,” I mutter. “This aggression will not stand, man.”

“Finish your mimosa and then have another and then try this on because youhaveto wear this tomorrow night,” Tina says, thrusting a really cute red sweater dress at me.

Obviously I need this super cute red sweater dress. But I’m not going to wear it tomorrow night, even though I am going out tomorrow night. Since I’m only going out tomorrow night with Adam “He Wishes” Foley begrudgingly, for charity, I plan to dress accordingly.

Tina and Eunice have dragged me out of my apartment to the Galentine’s Day sale event at Body Check Boutique on Main Street. I am here because they are my Galentines and because this store is offering free mimosas and waffles to customers. I am not here to purchase a Valentine’s Day outfit because Valentine’s Day is always stupid, but it’s especially stupid this year.

I had big plans to stay home on February fourteenth. I even bought the largest block of cheddar cheese and the finest salami from Good Earth Market. Fuck charcuterie—I was going to take angry bites of cheese and cured sausage direct from thesource while binge-watchingHomelandand knitting. I was still planning to do that, all the way up until yesterday morning. I am not above pretending to be sick and hiding in my apartment with the lights off while eating, knitting, and streaming a show under a blanket fort.

But I decided to go to the gym to work out yesterday morning instead of skating at either of the rinks. I didn’t want to take a chance on running into Foley, even though I saw that the 6:00-a.m. slot wasn’t booked. And wouldn’t you know it, that asshole was already at the gym when I got there. Aside from the staff, Adam was the only person there besides me. He was using the cable machine, doing cable rows. His form was excellent, and it pissed me off.

I marched right over to him and told him I was going to pay my family back for the money they donated and get in touch with the second-highest bidder to take my place. He finally stopped pulling on the cables to remove one of his earbuds.Why’s that, Red?he said with an obnoxious grin.You scared you’re gonna have a good time?