Page 28 of 10 Things I Skate About You

I plan to tell everyone about the bet on the podcast, and I’ve designed a new logo for him on Canva. Not for theIcebreakers, for Adam. It’s a cartoony illustration of a beer mug with his severed head floating in it, and instead of two crossed hockey sticks behind the mug it’s a broken heart. And the wordHeartbreakerunderneath.

And I will be debuting a new Shrew Crew song on the pod as well.

It goes a little something like this:

Sprinkle sprinkle, Cowpoke Grump

Must have thought I was a chump.

Made a bet with all his friends.

Hope he likes how this game ends.

Sprinkle sprinkle, what an ass.

Good thing I’ve got balls of brass.

It’s a work in progress.

I sent Tina and Eunice those lyrics, and Eunice sent back a voice memo that was just an accordion fart sound.

The front door buzzes. I am so mad at my rapidly beating heart for hoping that it might be Adam Foley. Obviously I hope it’s him so I can ignore him. But when I press the button, I hear my sisters-in-shrew-crew yapping.

“Let us in, or I’ll eat all of this ice cream!” Eunice threatens before I can say anything.

I buzz them in and open the door to my apartment.

Eunice and Tina are booking it up the stairs. I haven’t seen Eunice run like this since someone brought homemade mini doughnuts to a brew crew game and nobody told her until there were only two left. Tina hands me a large, opened bag ofketchup-flavored potato chips, and Eunice hands me a sweaty pint of mint-chocolate-chip ice cream.

“Turn on YouTube!” Tina says.

“Sit your ass down, clown.” Eunice points to my sofa.

Tina turns on my TV and uses the remote to open the YouTube app, clicking on theNet Zeroeschannel.

“What is going on?”

“Just shut up and watch the magic happen,” Eunice says.

And I always do what Eunice says, so I sit down. Except when I see what’s on my TV screen I have to say, “What the fuck? They’re doing a livestream without me?!” They’re in the basement studio at Rhys’s house. I had no idea. Why didn’t even Chuck, our camera operator, let me know? Chuck can’t keep a secret.

Eunice gives me a dirty look, so I shut up.

The camera’s on Lance, who’s staring at his laptop, telling Rhys what the live viewer count is, and it’s obscenely high. Then he reads a comment from the chat and says the wordshashtag Poguely. The camera does a slow reveal to the desk I usually sit at on the set and…I forget how to breathe.

14

ADAM

It is so fucking surreal to be sitting at the desk Kate Pogue usually sits at when she’s ranting about me onThe Net Zeroes.

On those episodes I hate-watched multiple times.

And now, if things go as planned, she’ll watch the recording of this live episode over and over again. With me by her side. While she points out my flaws.

That’s the dream.

“Okay, here we go,” Rhys says into his mic. “Ladies and gentlemen and hopefully my sister, Kate—we are honored to have the captain of the Icebreakers himself joining us on the pod for this special live episode. You know him, you love to watch our sister hate on him: Adam ‘I Fucked Up, Can I Come On Your Show Tomorrow?’ Foley. Side note—our first answer was ‘Dude, it’s not that kind of show.’”