Page 97 of Sleeper: The Palisades Edition

1. Margo.

2. His hair is better than mine, which is obviously unacceptable.

3. He can’t harmonize with me (or anyone else for that matter).

4. He’s way too generous in bed. Like we get it—you’re good at giving a girl an orgasm or twelve. Let her do a little work, yeesh.

5. Way too much time wasted staring into those blue eyes. Get a life, Willa. Read a book or something.

6. Too much time wasted staring at his hands. See above.

7. Obviously I’m allergic to his pheromones. Fuck you, science—it’s a thing.

8. His kids are too cute. Way too cute. Give your ovaries a break, Willa.

9. Margo. I mean, maybe she’s not all that terrible, and I can’t really blame her for anything. But still. Margo.

10. He forgot my name.

11. Every time he says my name, my uterus screams like it’s at an Elvis concert. This is no way to live.

12. Loving someone this much is terrifying.

Maybe I’m just abig baby.

Maybe everyone is this scared when they’re in love and nobody tells you.

I don’t know.

Fuck this list.

TWENTY-SEVEN

WILLA

FRIDAY MORNING

Ihad decided to make that list while I was at the airport in LA on Tuesday. I’ve only ever tried to get over my feelings for Shane Miller, so I have no idea if it’s this hard to get over anyone else. But trying to get over Shane Miller is a joke. Especially now.

There aren’t any billboards in the part of town that he lives in and I don’t watch TV, so I had no idea what a big deal this upcoming Melissa McCarthy movie is. Driving to Nico’s place, I had passed two billboards and a bus that was advertising the movie. I don’t know why they felt the need to put his handsome smiling face on the poster—I mean, isn’t Melissa McCarthy a big enough star to sell a movie on her own? More billboards on the way to the airport, and then as soon as I finished writing up my list, I looked up and saw his beautiful face on the TV in the airport bar. Some daytime talk show.

If he were laughing and smiling like most talk show guests, I would have added that to the list. But he was barely keeping up appearances. He was still handsome, of course, but he looked tired. I ran to the bar and askedthe guy to turn the volume up, but it was too late. It cut to commercial, and Shane’s segment was over.

I thought things would get easier once I left LA, but the in-flight movie was that damn action comedy that he starred in with John Cena. There was a huge digital screen advertising the new movie around the corner from my hotel in Times Square. And even if he weren’t in movies, it wouldn’t have mattered. Because I still see his face every time I close my eyes.

The good news is, I haven’t been able to sleep more than a few hours since I left his house. So my eyes have been open a lot. Always looking on the bright side. But I miss the twins just as much. I miss hearing their voices. I miss their little hands. There’s an emptiness inside, and I’m so afraid I won’t be able to fill it, but I also don’t feel right being so attached to them because they aren’t mine.

My talent and skills and work. My own family. These are the only things that are mine. I just need to focus on that.

The job interview was good. It actually felt good to be in a lab again, surrounded by other chemistry nerds who like to make things smell good. I mean, the job itself gives me no opportunities for creativity, but I can do my own thing on the weekends. And at night, if I’m not too tired. Manhattan gave me a headache, but I’m sure I’d get used to it eventually.

I’m at Grammie’s house now, and I haven’t heard from Shane since he sent me a text on Wednesday night, asking me not to accept the job until I’ve talked to him. But I haven’t talked to him. I told him that I only have until this afternoon to make my decision. I know how busy he is, but come on. Don’t leave a girl hanging. I’mnot calling him. If I haven’t heard from him by four o’clock, I’m accepting the job.

“Why are you shaking your head at me, young lady?” Grammie asks.

I realize my arms are crossed in front of my chest and I’m frowning.

“Nothing. I just can’t believe you won’t let me take you to the arboretum. It’s a beautiful day. Don’t you want me to take you anywhere? Somewhere in Detroit?”