Page 81 of Sleeper: The Palisades Edition

“Process of deduction. I’d already been to the other two stores that looked like the kind of place you’d want to sell your stuff in.”

“You know, she was not at all interested in selling my stuff until you walked in.”

He rests his arm around my shoulder again. “This is LA, babe. Celebrity endorsement is the name of the game. No matter what game you’re playing.”

“Well, thank you. Part of me was really looking forward to walking in there with you tomorrow if she had turned me down outright and I’d ask if she worked on commission, and then I’d say, ‘Big mistake. Huge!’”

“Your perfume will sell itself one day. I just wanted to help in any way I could. Hope you don’t mind.”

“I don’t. I hope I can return the favor.Ha-ha.”

“Well, you can. Just go easy on me and the movie tonight.”

“I’m not that big of an asshole! Are you really worried that I won’t like it?”

“I don’t know, I’ve been talking it up. I just don’t want you to be disappointed.”

“I don’t think you could ever disappoint me, Shane.”

Unless you marry someone else again.

We’rein a small screening room at some fancy private Hollywood club called SoHo House, on Sunset Boulevard. We have a drink at the bar first. Everyone looks like they just had a facial and a hair appointment, and I recognize every third person I see here. Shane introduces me simply by name, to his agent and the producers and writer-director, a couple of his costars. But he has his hand around my waist almost the whole time we’re standing together.

The film is calledHard Shell, and Shane is the lead. He “carries” the film, as his agent said, but there aresome amazing middle-aged and older character actors, and the teenager who plays his nephew is fantastic. It’s about this sarcastic, troubled, but privileged teenage boy who runs away from home to stay with his very young uncle who lives in Maine. The kid’s workaholic dad comes out from New York to get him, and you see the strained and awkward relationship between him and his much younger brother. This old lobsterman has a monologue about the exoskeleton as armor but how difficult it is for a lobster to molt and how vulnerable they are when they have their new soft shell. It’s subtle but obvious that the story is about manhood and masculinity and the vulnerabilities of these men who are trying to be tough but also trying to change.

Shane is the young uncle who is a functional alcoholic. He works on a lobster boat. He’s funny and charming but sometimes he’s a mess and just so angry one minute and heartbreaking the next. And he looks tired. In a good way, that’s right for the character, but it’s so poignant for me to watch, knowing that he really couldn’t sleep back then. I would totally fall in love with him because of this movie if I hadn’t already been head over heels.

Watching him is thrilling. Hearing the twenty or so other people in the audience laugh at his lines makes me so happy. Every time I look over at Shane, he’s either wincing at the screen or he’s watching me. I cry three times, and each time, he squeezes my leg.

When the credits roll, everyone applauds, and I still have a huge lump in my throat. People descend upon Shane as soon as he stands up, so all I can do is smile at him and try to convey to him with my eyes just how much I loved the movie. I cantell that Shane’s agent is as excited about the performance as I am, but Shane seems to be taking it all in stride.

When the agent asks if we’ll join him for drinks, Shane says we have to be getting home, takes my hand, and doesn’t let go until we’re alone in the elevator to the parking level. I can tell he’s a little overwhelmed, so I don’t say anything until he looks over at me.

“Shane, you were so wonderful. Truly. The movie is great. I loved every minute of it.”

“Really?”

“Of course, really—didn’t you?”

“Yeah, I think it’s really good. I just wish I’d done certain things differently. It’s hard to watch myself. But the cinematography is great.”

“It’s beautiful! Maine looks so beautiful, and the score is beautiful, and the script is fantastic, and all of the actors—it’s so funny and sad and heartwarming. It’s going to be a hit.”

“I hope so.”

“I have no doubt. You’ll see. Once people start seeing this, you’ll get to play any kind of role in any kind of movie you want.”

He laughs. “Except a period piece.”

“Aw, who cares. I hate period pieces. Unless they’re about perfume.”

He kisses my cheek. “It really means a lot to me that you liked it.”

“Well I loved it. I’m really proud of you. Is that weird to say? I don’t even care. I am. I’m so proud of you. I can’t wait to see what happens next for you.”

AndI mean it.

I am so proud of him that I don’t even wonder what happens next forus. I just want him to get what he wants in life. And I hope that one of the things he wants in life is me.