Page 60 of Sleeper: The Palisades Edition

Number of caffeinated beverages you consumed throughout the day:One.

Number of alcoholic beverages you consumed throughout the day:Fuck my life.

How much time you spent exercising:Depends on what counts as exercising.

Your stress level before bedtime, on a scale from 1 to 5:I don’t know how to answer that.

Your major cause of stress:Being a dickhead.

WILLA TODD SCENT DIARY

MONDAY MORNING

Just went for a walk on the bluffs to clear my head and my nose. Ocean air. Hint of eucalyptus leaves. I spent all Saturday and Sunday night, once the kids went to bed, in my room. Mixing at this desk.

Shane is at an appointment. He’s been so grumpy since Saturday afternoon. We’ve barely spoken directly to each other since he brought the kids home. But when I came home this morning from dropping off the kids, I found a few sprigs of lavender at the foot of my bed. I think he cut them from the front yard. He didn’t even realize he had lavender growing there before I pointed it out to him. I fucking hate that he’s so sweet. And hot. He’s impossible to stay mad at. Even when he’s a grumpy dickhead.

I wish I could just roll this new perfume oil on his pulse points to alter his mood. But that would be weird. But if I could, it would take him on a little journey down memory lane. My memory.Of us.

Top notes include sweet pea. It opens up youthful and girly, optimistic and not at all sexy.

Middle notes include the suggestion of sweet and spicy freesia created with natural white verbena essential oil and the clean, soothing, alluring scent of lavender of course. I wonder if I should tell Shane about its aphrodisiac qualities. So many benefits in the bedroom…

Base notes—amber and sandalwood for an unexpectedly sexy drydown, with a hint of seaweed for a marine note and vanilla because it’s childlike and reminds me of the kids.

It’s odd and it shouldn’t work together, but it totally does. To me, anyway.

Blended in a fractionated coconut oil, it is unassuming and surprising, comforting and stimulating. I have the perfect name for it, and I think I’ve finally found the perfect combination to give it long-lasting wear.

If it were a color, it would be peach, hot pink, red, violet, deep blue. The colors of a fleeting Pacific Palisades sunset over the eternal ocean.

I’ve designed and ordered the labels. Once they are delivered, I can open up my Etsy store and try to convince some local boutiques to sell a few bottles of this new scent and the ones I’ve been working on for years. I’ll be on my way.

SEVENTEEN

SHANE

Ihave no idea if Dr. Gavin Shaw is actually a good physician or not, but he’s oddly paternal and has a really cool Scottish accent. Since I take very little advantage of the SAG-AFTRA Health Plan myself, that was a good enough reason to select him as my primary care physician.

When I came to see him about the insomnia after I got back from Maine, he brought up the possibility of sending me to a sleep clinic if things didn’t improve. Obviously, that’s not going to happen, but back then I was willing to try anything. Back then, Nico’s little sister was just a faint, quirky memory. Back then, all kinds of thoughts about all kinds of things kept me awake at night. Now, all other thoughts have fallen away when I’m in bed and all that’s left is Willa.

“Well, yer thyroid test results came back normal, yer blood pressure is excellent today, and ya look jes’ great, Shane Miller, much better than the last time, eh?”

“Better, yes. Things got worse and then a lot better, and now it’s… I don’t know what it is now.”

“All right, well,” he says, flicking at his beard while reading my sleep diary entries, “let’s have a look here… Uh-huh… Mmhmm… Exercise. Hah! Indeed… Mmhmm… ‘Relief.’ Interestin’,innit?… Lavender, you say? Essential oils. Great. Fantastic stuff.”

“You think that stuff works?”

“Aye. I think anythin’ works if it works, right?”

“Sure.”

“Read a book. Have a pint. Smoke a wee bit of skunk—what have you… Guilt? Not so much. Guilt never works for anyone. Fuck guilt.”

“Easier said than done.”

“Fuck it and be done with it.”