Page 37 of Sleeper: The Palisades Edition

How long it took you to fall asleep:Not long.

How many times you woke up in the middle of the night:Not once.

How refreshing your overall sleep was:Very. Slept eight hours straight. Probably in large part due to the essential oil thing that my kids and the nanny mixed together for me. Woke up five minutes before my alarm to the sound of laughter from the kitchen and the scent of the most amazing coffee I have ever smelled.

Number of caffeinated beverages you consumed throughout the day:Not gonna lie to you, Dr. Shaw. I had a cup of that amazing coffee this morning. And I have zero regrets. If I can only have one vice at this point in my life, it will be caffeine. More specifically, it will be the caffeinated beverage brewed by the new nanny. Never had anything like it. Works on every level. Still feeling it, hours later.

Number of alcoholic beverages you consumed throughout the day:Still none. Yeah, I really need to stay away from alcohol.

How much time you spent exercising:One hour. Wanted to punch my trainer in the dick and dropkick him out of my house. For reasons. But other than that I’m starting to feel like my usual relatively happy self again.

Your stress level before bedtime, on a scale from 1 to 5:3?

Your major cause of stress:Being a fucking good guy.

WILLA TODD SCENT DIARY

FRIDAY AFTERNOON

Had the twins help me cut some lavender sprigs from the front yard. There are now pretty little relaxing lavender bouquets in every room of the house. Until Summer decides there are too many of them and throws them out.

Took the twins to the beach after school while Shane was having a coffee meeting in the village with some director. It’s a good beach. Very few people, although I guess it’s not that surprising on a Thursday afternoon in March.

I asked Summer and Lucky to tell me what they could smell there. They said, “stinky toots.” They aren’t wrong. The bacteria that eat dying plankton produce a sulfur compound through the digestion process. That sulfur helps with cloud formation and controls the planet’s temperature. It’s amazing.

The faint smell of actual sewage didn’t even bother me, maybe because the salty air was coating my nostrils. And because I knew I’d see Shane again in an hour.

I feel good.

I like it here.

One day I’ll want to create a scent that evokes my memories of this time in the Palisades, but thinking of a time when I won’t be here makes me sad. It has only been a few days, but this already feels like a place I could call home. I swear, it’s that feeling I had when Shane held my hand twelve years ago. It’s not something I’d ever try to explain to him, but I can admit it to myself. I guess I had assumed it would be something else, but if it was about me being a nanny to his kids, then I don’t mind. It’s nice.

I’m working on the Margo scent. I really fucking hope she doesn’t actually want to call it Margo, but if we’re taking wagers—my money is on “Margo.” She asked for cherry blossom essential oil as an ingredient. Told me she has “lovely memories” of being a girl in Manhattan during cherry blossom season. So fucking lovely. It’s not possible to make essential oil from cherry blossoms, but I can formulate something that evokes it. Using Osmanthus, ylang ylang, sweet orange. She definitely wants something fruity and floral. She needs something more earthy, but who am I to tell her that.

What I really want to do is create a scent for Shane. He’s been on his best behavior since the first night. Unfortunately. If I can’t rub myself all over him, then I at least want him to wear something that I’ve created on his skin and for it to make him feel all of the amazing things that I want to make him feel. Like a man. Like a wanted man. Like the kind of man who’d step into the shower with his nanny when the kids are at school—because hey, life’s short and this nanny’s a lot dirtier than he thinks she is.

TEN

WILLA

“What does a banana do when it sees a chimpanzee coming?”

Summer and Lucky just stare ahead, frowning. Shane bites his lower lip and shrugs his shoulders.

“The banana splits!”

Shane shakes his head, smiling. The twins just keep staring ahead at the chimpanzee exhibit. Tough crowd. We’re at the LA Zoo for a fun Saturday outing, but something passed between Summer and Lucky at the meerkat exhibit, and now they’re having what Shane refers to as a “twin fight.” It reminds me a lot of the fights that Nico and I had when I was five and he was nine, but quieter and more intense. Minus the name calling and wet willies. Summer is two minutes older than her brother, and she milks it for all it’s worth.

They both napped on the way here, since it took an actual year to get to this Griffith Park location from the Palisades. So, I thought they’d be in a better mood. Butnope. They’ve been complaining about the animal poo smell—which I personally like and find quite relaxing and earthy—and they don’t feel like walking, but they also don’t want to be rolled around in rented strollers or carried like babies. Not even the highly un-Margo-approved churros are floating their boats. Shane muttered to me that it will blow over eventually, but I won’t give up that easily. This is one of the nicest zoos I’ve ever been to, and it’s a beautiful spring day, and I’m happy to be here with Shane (who is wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses and looks exactly like a handsome star who’s trying to go incognito), and I want everyone to be happy.

“What did the banana say to the chimpanzee? Nothing! Bananas can’t talk! Wokka wokka. No? Not even a little smile?”

All of a sudden, for no reason that I can see, Summer whacks her brother on the head with her churro. Lucky basically growls into her face, and it turns into a shoving match. I grab Summer, Shane grabs Lucky, and we pull them apart.

“Hey!” Shane says. “Knock it off.”

“She started it!”