Page 45 of Troublemaker: The Big Picture Edition

So I make a fart sound with my mouth.

“What do you call the bean burrito I ate for lunch fifty years ago?” Grammie asks. “An old fart. Likeme.”

She looks so serious that the kids don’t realize she’s being funny.

Nobody does.

Until we all do, and everyone bursts out laughing.

Grammie Todd for the win.

I guess Icanhave fun without Emilia.

But now I just want to get her nakedandtell her about the fart jokes.

When my phone vibrates in my pocket, I get a little excited, until I see that it’s my ex-wife FaceTiming me again. I accept the video call because I know she’ll just keep calling and texting ifI don’t. She’s beautiful as always, but I can tell she hasn’t had enough sleep.

“Hey. It’s really not the best time, Nova.”

“Alex, I miss him so much. I need to see his face.”

“Yeah. Okay.” Sighing, I flip my phone around and aim it at Ryder so she can see him.

He and Tate and Lucky are doubled over laughing.

“Hey buddy, turn around. Look who’s on FaceTime for you. Hey! Ryder. Turn around.”

He finally turns around once he’s able to stand up straight again. As soon as he focuses on the phone and sees Nova, his face lights up. “Mom! Look—I’m with my friends at Disneyland!”

“Hey, baby! Alex, hold the phone still,” she snaps. “Baby, I’m so happy to see you. I miss you so much.”

“We’re at Pirates of the Caribbean! We’ve already been to the Haunted Mansion, um, and I was only a little scared this time, and we saw the HalloweenCarvinal?—”

“Carnival,” I correct him.

“—and we did the Goofy’s Sky School one twice, and I wasn’t even scared at all this time! Well, maybe just a little, but not like last time, and I haven’t thrown up once yet!”

“I’m so proud of you,” she coos. “I wish I could be there with you. Do you miss me? I really miss you this morning.”

“Yeah. I do.” He scratches his head. “Are you having fun?” he asks her.

“Sometimes.”

“Iam! We haven’t even been toAuto-pee-ahyet, and that’s my favorite!”

“Autopia,” I remind him, but he knows this and also, he’s not paying attention because the kids are freaking out about a nearby duck like they’ve never seen a duck before.

“Okay, well, I guess it’s hard for you to focus,” Nova says, disappointed. “I’ll try you again tomorrow.”

I turn the phone to face myself again and find that she’s already ended the call.

Ryder finally looks back at my phone. “Hey Mom, there’s a duck waiting in line for the ride!”

“She had to go, buddy. We hung up.”

“Oh. Is she mad?”

“No, not at all. She’s just tired.”