Page 34 of Troublemaker: The Big Picture Edition

“You know what? Never mind. I’ll just wear a beige cardigan and khaki pants.”

He gasps. “You shut your mouth, little girl. You will wear a pretty skirt and you will like it.”

“A pretty skirt? Really? You don’t think that’s too ‘please put your hand between my legs when the kids aren’t looking?’”

He scoffs. “Well, I don’t know, Miss Stiles.Isit?” He reaches inside my closet and pulls out a billowy, ankle-length skirt that I’d forgotten I had.

Yessss.“Franklin Baldwin, you’re a genius.”

“Right? Covers your legs, but it’s playful and you always have the option of pulling it up and spreading your legs when the kids aren’t looking.”

Noooo.“Franklin, you’re a dirty bird.”

“Well, one of us has to be.”

Yes. Franklin, you’re right. It’smyturn. But not yet.

Getting my students to calm down for half an hour prior to getting on a bus to the Griffith Observatory has been about as successful as my attempts atnotpicturing Alex Vega bending me over my desk and drilling me. I wonder if my second-grade teacher Mrs. Norbert was having secret dirty thoughts while teaching us about long and shortusounds. Or maybe I should just marry a nice, quiet, bald guy like Mr. Norbert so I can focus more on my career and don’t accidentally write out very bad examples of words that feature a shortusound.

There’s a knock at my classroom door, and I see the sweet face of Miguel’s mom smiling through the small window. She’s the other volunteer chaperone for this field trip, and I’m so grateful to have another adult around, one who doesn’t make me want to lick said adult’s face or run away crying because I can’t.

I tell the kids that I’m going to be right outside for a minute, grab my field trip folder, and step out into the hall. “Hello, Mrs. Torres.”

“Hello, Miss Stiles. I hope I am not late. Traffic on Sunset is very bad this morning.”

“You’re not late at all; we’re still on schedule. And please call me Emilia.”

But then I glance down the hall and see a tall, broad-shouldered figure headed toward us, and I’m already salivating.

Fuuuuck.

I should have worn at least three pairs of panties today, but I thought for sure I’d be able to control my body’s reactions with fifteen amped-up kids around. Or at least my mind’s. Even from forty feet away, the sight of him in a white button-down shirt and fancy jeans makes my knees give out just a little. I lean back against the closed door for support and rifle through the many papers in my folder, trying to find a printout, so I don’t have to look at him.

Hang in there, cotton boyshorts. We’ve got a long half-day ahead of us.

“I am very excited to go to the observatory. We have never been there.”

“I haven’t been there yet either. Everyone’s excited this morning.”

Especially my cervix, apparently.

“I’m here,” Alex Vega says as he stops to stand next to Mrs. Torres.

As if my entire being wasn’t completely aware of this.

He holds out his hand to Mrs. Torres. “Hi, I’m Alex Vega. Ryder’s dad.”

“Oh hello, I am Juanita Torres. Miguel is my son. He tells me about Ryder almost every day. Miguel likes him very much.”

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Torres. Ryder really likes Miguel too.” He nods at me, just once. “Hello.”

I clear my throat. “Hello. I was about to give Mrs. Torres?—”

“Juanita.”

“I was about to give Juanita this list…” I hand one photocopied sheet to her and one to Alex. “The other second-grade classes will be attending the observatory on a different day, so it’s just us. All fifteen of my students will be going on this field trip today, and you’ll find each of their names listed here, as well as their emergency contacts and any allergies we know of. We’ll be returning to school for lunch, but they’re bringing snacks from home with them, and they are not to purchase any food from the observatory. My cell phone number is listed at the top of the page. Please enter it into your phones in case we get separated at the location. Hopefully we won’t. Please keep your phones on vibrate, but I’d appreciate it if you don’t take any calls that aren’t related to this field trip for the next few hours. I’ve divided the students up into groups of five and buddied them up. Each of us will buddy-up with one student. I’ve paired both of you up with your sons, but please ensure that you pay attention to all five children in your group so we return here with as many kids as we leave with…”

I finally take a deep breath—not just because I’ve been yammering while staring down at my copy of the list but because Ryder’s dad smells so fucking good, I want to stick my face in the crook of his neck for like half a year or so.