Page 30 of Troublemaker: The Big Picture Edition

Subject: Well, hello again…

Dear Miss Stiles,

Great to hear from you.

I find it interesting that you chose to contact me regarding this matter using your personal email address instead of the school email address that you had previously used.

To be clear—I was also surprised to discover that you are Ryder’s teacher. It is also interesting to me that the school has not included a photograph of you on the website. Perhaps this is to discourage single parents like myself from trying to date you.

It sounds like you have recently Googled me. Please know that I personally do not consider myself to be one of Hollywood’s hottest bachelors. I’m an amazing dad first, wildly talented director second, irresistible and very much available single man third.

My son’s education is indeed a top priority. As such, I respectfully agree to refrain from doing all of the aforementioned things in the likely event that we shall interact with each other again in the future. Furthermore, I agree to limit my thoughts of you sucking frosting off of my thumb to between five and fifty times a day. But I would be remiss if I did not mention just how pretty you look when you wear those glasses with your hair up.

I cannot, however, promise that I will stop thinking about that kiss at that club this summer. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it for the past month.

It’s interesting how humorless and uptight you are about my son’s totally awesome personality, given that I have personally witnessed just how flirtatious and talkative you yourself can be when mildly intoxicated.

You’re very welcome,

Alex

P.S. I just volunteered to be the parent chaperone for your next field trip. See you then.

P.P.S. I like the name Emilia even more than I like the name Emmy. It suits you.

P.P.P.S. I like it when you call me Mr. Vega. Please continue to do that.

TO: ALEX VEGA

FROM: EMILIA STILES

Re: No, it is not interesting.

Dear Ryder’s Dad,

Please remove yourself as parent chaperone for the field trip.

Thank you in advance,

Miss Stiles

P.S. Please understand that I didn’t email you from my personal email because I intended for our emails to get personal. I simply did not want to address “the issue” from my school account. Thanks for understanding.

P.P.S. I didn’t actually read any of the online articles about you, or stare at the many, many images that came up when I did a search. I merely felt it was necessary to do some preliminary background research on the person who seems to have a great deal of influence on one of my students. Your Hot Hollywood Bachelorness is of no interest to me unless it affects your son’s education.

TO: EMILIA STILES

FROM: ALEX VEGA

Re: I’m not in the habit of breaking my commitments

Dear Emilia,

I have no intention of removing myself as chaperone. I pulled out of a couple of projects so that I can be more present for Ryder while his mother’s out of town. This will be a great new way to spend time with him.

And I do want to mention… I think Ryder’s behavior might have something to do with the fact that his mother just up and left town for a few months or more. She didn’t abandon him—she’s coming back of course, and we FaceTime with her when we can. He’s so upbeat, it doesn’t seem to me like he’s stressed out about it at all.

But I guess I could have mentioned that stuff about his mom leaving in the parent homework assignment. That might have helped you to understand him a little better. I apologize. I can be a little overprotective of him.