Page 11 of Troublemaker: The Big Picture Edition

There are people on this planet who seem like they’re very comfortable with making poor decisions and doing things that result in them expelling liquid from their mouths in public. I am not one of them.

Never again.

Never again.

Well, not for a while, anyway… I want to make out with the hot guy again.

When I finally re-emerge from the ladies’ room, after cleaning the toilet and myself as best as I could and chewing a handful of breath mints (fuck you, karma), I run straight into Franklin.

“Hermione!” he yells, placing his hands on my shoulders. “You ran right past me! Which end did things come out of?”

“I really don’t like you very much right now.” I frown at him, elbowing him aside so I can find Alejandro.

I’m half-expecting him to be waiting for me around here because surely it was obvious that I was running to the bathroom to vomit.

Franklin comes with me, holding my hand. He doesn’t believe me when I tell him I was making out with a handsome stranger. Ten, fifteen minutes of searching the dance floor, around the dance floor, the mezzanine where I first saw him, it occurs to me… Why would he wait around for the stranger who just ran off to barf?

Some electronic dance music that I hate is playing now, and the lights are flashing, and there are even more people in here than half an hour ago, and I just want to go home.

Franklin’s got plans with his guy in a couple of days, so we leave.

I still have a perfect memory of a perfect moment with a perfect stranger.

As long as I only remember the part up until I had to barf.

REASONS WHY I’M GLAD WE BROKE UP FOR GOOD THIS TIME – EMILIA

11. Because I had the best kiss of my life with a sexy stranger (who may or may not be named Alejandro) and I felt more of a connection with him in that kiss than I ever did with you.Ever.

12. Seriously, he was so sexy. You were the kind of guy that my mother thought was sexy. “Like a young Michael J. Fox but much taller.” She meant it as a compliment, of course. Even though she wasn’t referring to the Marty McFly version of Michael J. Fox. She meant the conservative Young Republican Alex P. Keaton from 80s TV hitFamily Ties.I remember back when I first met you in college, I was so impressed that you ironed your shirts. You take great care of your clothes. Good for you! I bet Alejandro takes great care of his women. And I don’t just mean in bed, although obviously I do mean in bed.

13. Because it turns out I’m a lot happier when I’m not around you.

14. Because Atticus is so much happier now, I could cry. Fuck you, Brent.

15. Because I got to be a saucy vixen (I think), for once. And once was enough. I think. For years, I thought that my libido—on a horniness scale of 1 to 10—was maybe a 6 at best. But now I’m realizing I just wasn’t as attracted toyouas I thought I was. Or maybe I’m just not as attracted to anyone as I was to Alejandro. Even if it was just for that brief amount of time we spent with each other. Which is fine. Maybe that kiss didn’t mean as much to him as it did to me. And that’s fine. For me, that kiss was a brief but totally fulfilling, much-needed mini-vacation. I was just out there sightseeing, after all. Now I know what’s out there. And when I’m ready to stop being a tourist, I’ll find another Alejandro. In a quieter place. So it’s good that he wasn’t there when I came out of the bathroom. It’s fine. Really.

CHAPTER 5

ALEX

“Hey, Dad! Let’s go see if they have the new Mario game!”

Isowant to go see if they have the new Mario game.

“Nope.” I grab a shopping cart and call out to Ryder in my Dad Voice as soon as he starts to run off. “Get back here! Stay with me. Stay focused. We’re here to get your back-to-school supplies and that’s it. No games. No toys. Just school stuff. And if they’re out of that stuff here, then we’ll have to go to another store. I don’t want to spend more than half an hour here, you got me?”

He stops in his tracks, turns around, and twists his lips to one side. “Can I ride in the cart?”

“Nope.”

“Can we get a donut at the Starbucks?”

Fuck, I want a donut from Starbucks.

“No. You just ate breakfast.”

“Can you get a coffee at the Starbucks, then? Because you’re being a really big grumpy dumpy face.”