Page 86 of This Shattered Star

It was so easy to hate. To be angry. They were the easiest emotions to control. To aim.

To hide behind.

“Theia said you wouldn’t. I didn’t believe her.” She’d been so convinced, back when we sat against the base of the wisteria.

His smile returned, small and knowing. “You did well not to.”

“I don’t understand,” I said, swallowing against the memory of saying those same three words not long ago. “Never mind. It’s fine. I’ll figure it out myself—”

He shook his head. Ran the pad of his thumb across my lower lip, drawing my sentence to a halt. “Then I will spell it out for you.”

There was no hiding now. No, not at all.

“I often say the opposite of what I truly mean. Purposely inflict pain on people in hopes that it will alleviate the burn of my own, which constantly threatens to consume me. Even if it never helps. I never learn.”

I had half a mind left to say, against his thumb, “I already know you have a plethora of horrible qualities.”

His laugh rumbled throughout the room. “I’m not finished.” He finally retracted his hand. “Every time I look at you, I’m constantly reminded of someone I lost. Someone I don’t think I’ll ever get back.”

“The mystery woman,” I guessed.

He didn’t deny or confirm it. He simply went on. “And I was angry with you. For being here when she wasn’t. Angry that I couldn’t findherin you. And I knew that wasn’t fair. But it was easy to be angry with you when I didn’t know you. So I made those threats, each one of them as empty as I felt.” Anguishfilled the hues of jade that bore right into my soul. Searching for something that I didn’t seem to have.

As I stared back, I saw the silent war that waged within his own soul. A war of that magnitude could not have begun yesterday. He’d been suffering, disguising it as indifference entwined with cruelness.

“But now I know you. I know that you’ve suffered at Maverick’s hands, too. Even if it’s not the same way others do. You might not have chosen to be here, but you want to win more than anyone else. I see it, thatneed,shining brighter than any star when you see others using magic. It burns hotter than any flame when others doubt you—underestimate you. It shines here,” he said, swiping that same thumb under my right eye. “And here.” My breathing hitched as his other hand slid down my chest, stopping to rest above my frantic heart.

“You saw it, and yet you acted like you didn’t,” I said tersely.

“And what if I hadn’t?” He challenged. “I may have aplethora of horrible qualities,but I’m not foolish. You were angry for being forced into the trials. Afraid. Lost. You are one of the strongest beings I’ve ever known, Eloise. But those feelings can blind anyone. Even the gods themselves. Can lead one right to their demise, all because they couldn’t look past their own two feet.”

I hated that he was right. Hated that he’d seen right through me since the very beginning. I turned my head away, unable to bear it any longer. Even if he’d already seen everything.

“Is that supposed to be an apology?” I whispered.

“No, it’s not,” he replied gently, cradling my face, my jaw. When my eyes met his again, they shone like true gemstones, ignited by the magic that burned in his veins. I expected smoke to drift past my nose, or ashes to dance around in the air. Yet none of it came.

“Good. Because it would have been terrible.”

His answering chuckle sparked something hotter than fire in the center of my core. The innermost parts of my thighs throbbed with it.

“There are far better ways to repent for my wrongdoings.” If I so much as moved an inch, there would be nothing stopping our lips from touching.

“Best act quickly, then.” The heat of his magic enveloped me fully. I knew exactly what that entailed. What it would do to me. “You have a long list of misdeeds.”

I didn’t care. Not anymore.

His hands slid from my face to the back of my head, fingers knotting into my hair. I leaned further into him instinctively. His touch was molten. “I have no qualms with starting right here.” The words were barely more than a growl.

“This is ridiculous,” I said, my lips brushing across his with each word. We shared a sharp intake of breath at the contact. “It makes no sense.”

“It makes perfect sense to me.”

Surely, one of us would see logic. “You’re mad.”

“Only where you are concerned, little viper.”

Fire consumed every piece of my soul as his lips crashed into mine.