Page 113 of This Shattered Star

I’d grown a weakness during the Starlight Trials, I realized. A weakness in the form of the color jade. And a craving for the spark before a flame. That was what danced along Kodhan’s hand as he reached out, brushing his knuckles along my cheek. I leaned into the touch. “I was worried. They wouldn’t let me see you.”

“You’re not hurt,” was his reply. Not a question, but more like a confirmation to himself. As if he’d believed otherwise.

Something involuntary cracked open in my chest, flooding the empty space there. He’d only spoken three words. And yet, everything I’d been repressing for the last three days crashed into me tenfold.

A single tear slid down my cheek, leaking onto his skin. “They’re gone,” I whispered. “Theia and Brannon are dead.” It was the first time I’d said those words out loud. I hadn’t dared. As if saying them out loud brought a hammer of finality down onto the world. But there they were. Finally spoken into existence.

“Come here.”

It was all I needed.

I shot into his arms, burying my face in his chest. Drowned in the scent of pine that seemed to follow him everywhere. He heldme so tightly that it bordered on painful, but I held onto him with just as much strength, if not more so. It was like he knew just how fractured I was, just by looking at me, and knew that if he let me go, I would fall apart completely.

It was always meant to be you.

A few minutes. I would allow myself a few minutes to let the pot of my emotions to boil over. And then I would seal the lid back on tightly.

Reassuring fingers wove into my hair, infusing warmth into my scalp. “I have you,” he murmured. “I’m here.”

But the tears wouldn’t cease, soaking the shirt under Kodhan’s vest.

I pulled back, grabbing his lapel with both fists. “I need to make it stop.”

With a shake of his head, he pressed a soft kiss to my cheek, catching the next rivulet. “Dismissing your emotions will only bring more pain. It’s okay to feel,” he said. “Youneedto feel.”

He didn’t know that I couldn’t possibly feel any more pain. That I was made of it, my very essence replaced with hurt. And I was so tired of hurting.

“You’re right,” I answered. “I want to feel.”Something else. Anything but this.He made to pull back, but my hold on his lapel kept him close. “Will you help me?”

His fingers dug into my waist. “Eloise…”

I rose up on my toes. Skimmed my lips along the side of his neck, halting right above his fluttering pulse.

“This is not what I meant.” The words rumbled underneath my fingers.

“I know that,” I murmured into his skin. “But I am tired, Kodhan. This darkness is a plague. It is all I feel, all I have felt, for too long. I am tired of being swept under.” Letting my soles fall back onto the ground, I looked up at him. “There is no strength left in me to fight it. Not when it has taken too muchthis time.” My fingers slowly uncurled from his lapel. “I just need…”

“What do you need?” he asked, slowly. The intensity in his gaze was dangerous. More so than the scalding heat filling the air. “Tell me.”

I let the heat fill me, begged it to chase away the numbing tundra. The shadows lurked by my dressing rooms. They’d grown bolder since I’d come back. They lurched at me when artists weren’t looking. When maids had their backs turned. Made sure to sweep across all the lights when I was alone, so that I was well and truly drowning in the dark. “You hold back the tide. I don’t know what it is or how you do it but—”

“Eloise.” A demand. No, an order. “Tell me what you need.”

“I need this.Us.I needyou. I need everything you can give me.”

He frowned.

“I’m sorry.” Splaying my fingers across his chest, I readied to push him back. “It’s too much. I shouldn’t have asked.”

The hairs at the back of my neck stood on end. The shadows had moved, readying to strike once he left.

“Oh, darling.” I froze. “You didn’t know?” He began working on the ribbons at my back. Pulling them apart, one by one. “You already have all of me.”

Using the strings, he turned me around, and walked us away from the dining area. All I could do was try not to stumble over my own two feet, speechless.

He had me face him again when we stopped by the bed. “And there is nothing that you could ask of me that is too much. Anything you want, and I will do everything in my power to make it yours.” My corset was wide open now, the front of it held up only by the friction of our bodies. “If that has been made clear,” he murmured, hand sliding across my cheek to cup my jaw. “I recall making a certain oath. And I plan on actingon it now.” His thumb brushed across my bottom lip. “Do you oppose?”

My senses finally came back to me. “Of course not.”