Page 83 of Shattered Queens: Veronica
“Sweetheart, you want to show me how much you love me, right?”
I nod. Because I do love him. I hate my parents for making me travel. But I never felt that way before.
“Look.” He puts his hand in his jeans pocket and pulls out some pills. “This will help and make us all feel good.”
“Okay.”
He smiles. And that’s what we did. We went out to a club and brought a girl back to his place. Where we got high and had sex. The next day, I woke up and found him fucking her in the shower, soI grabbed my things and left.He reached out and told me how I’d never find someone who would love me. He apologized and begged me for forgiveness. He told me that I was all he had. And I believed him and went back. Until I couldn’t do it anymore.
I stare at the photograph. My breathing is shallow. “I need to be alone.” It’s all I can say. I feel Miles’s hold around me loosen. I can’t face him. I can’t face myself. The thought of my brothers and cousins having seen this is more than I can bear.
“Ver—” I don’t hear the rest because I slam the door behind me and start walking. I walk down the stairs. I walk outside past the garden. I walk into the jungle. The moon is bright, so I can see exactly where I’m going. I walk until I stand in front of a small stream, past exotic flowers,and into the tree line. The dense foliage swallows me whole. The ground is soft under my bare feet.
This is the first moment of peace I’ve felt since I looked at those monitors. I stare into the flowing water, watching the current carry away fallen leaves, wishing it could take away the images burned into my mind. Alcohol and pills would help right about now, but it’d only be a quick fix for a long-term problem. I have to find a way to live with this. I stand here, lost in my thoughts, the cool air settling around my wet cheeks. I hear rustling behind me. I don’t have to turn to see who it is. If there’s one thing for certain, Miles will always find me. That seems to be the only thing I’m sure of in this turmoil.
“I can’t even look at you,” I whisper. “All this time you’ve had those photographs. I can’t imagine what you thought about me.”
“Baby,” he says.
I close my eyes. I can feel him stop right behind me.
“I was so stupid,” I whisper, the words catching in my throat. “I let him take them because I thought…I thought if I gave him everything, he wouldn’t need anything else. I thought I was enough.”
“Did you start using with him?” he asks.
“Yes. At first, it was to make him happy. Then it was to make me happy. Then it was to forget.”
“You trusted someone and trusted them wholeheartedly. That was your only mistake.” He wraps around my body as he leans down into my ear. He whispers, “The only thing I thought of when I saw those photographs is how I wish to whatever higher being that I would have been able to protect you sooner and how I wish I could have ripped him to pieces over and over. Did he ever hurt you?” he asks.
“Not in a physical sense. But…but he pushed me to do things I wasn’t ready for.” He stands still, like a statue. He’s waiting for me to tell him. “Acouple of months into our relationship, we got into a huge fight about me not being ready for him to meet my family. I kept the relationship a secret. It was too soon for me. He called me selfish and said I was only using him to act out. I left and didn’t answer his calls or messages for days. He begged me to forgive him. He told me that he loved me. That I could take my time because we were worth it. I went over to his place, and he convinced me to try and work on our relationship. Sex was always how we’d fix things. For better or worse. He tried to convince me to take a pill, but I didn't want to. He said it would help with what he wanted to try. But I didn’t take it. I know he was upset. We started fooling around. He bent me over, and I knew what he wanted to do. I’d never done anal, and I didn't feel comfortable. I told him so, but he said it would prove to him how much I cared about him. I tried to relax, but it was too much for me. Too painful. I begged him to stop. Eventually, he did. He apologized, and I forgave him. Why wouldn’t I? He told me he loved me. You don’t hurt the people you love, right? God, I was so stupid because I stayed. He had such a hold on me.”
We don’t speak. We just stand here.
“I killed my father.” I stiffen but wait for him to continue. “I came home from a trip. Mama had promised to pick me up from the airport, but she wasn’t there when I arrived. I called and called her, but she didn’t answer. I knew something was wrong. When I arrived home, I found my father crying over my mother’s dead body. He-he was high and drunk.” I can feel his heart beat faster as he speaks. “I knew he resented me and my grandfather, but I never thought it’d lead to him hurting Mama. He and I had an altercation. I remember it as if it were yesterday. I grabbed my brass knuckles and hit him. I hit him over and over. His blood splattered on my clothes, my face, the floor, but I didn’t stop. When I finally did, he was dead.”
“What happened next?”
“I called for help. I called the one person my mother told me to call if I needed help. Then I called Tia Susana and told her my father had left and had no idea where he was. We all knew his temperament, so it wasn’t out of the norm. When it came to Mama’s death, I told Tia Susana she’d fallen and hit her head. It’s amazing how money can change a medical report. My father was a paranoid man; he thought my mother was going to leave him. But he wasn’t wrong. Mama wanted to return to Veridian Bay. If I had stayed home, I could have been there to protect her. I failed her.” He tightens his hold on me. “I promised myself I wouldn’t fail you. I made a promise.”
I turn to face him and hold his face in my hands. “You can’t blame yourself.”
“Neither can you,” he throws back. “I know it makes me a monster, but I don’t regret it. Just like I don’t regret my part in Vaun’s death. I hate what you did. I hate it with every fiber of my being. Another man touching what’s mine. His hands. His lips.”
“He’s dead?! Are you out of your mind?!” I shout.
“For you.” He wraps his arms around me. “Haven’t my actions proven that I'm out of my mind for you and only you? You’re mine, Veronica Kayde. You’ve always been mine. God help anyone who stands in my way. I made peace with that. And you should too.” His voice lacks remorse.
I know it’s wrong, but I can’t help but smile. Knowing that he hurt someone for touching me. “Miles, that isn’t a reason to kill a man.”
“Says you.” He brings his lips to mine, grazing them. “You already know the kind of men your family has.” He places a kiss on my lips. "You’re a queen who’s surrounded by monsters who will kill at your command. Make no mistake—that includes me. And you’re the onlyone I’ll ever get on my knees for.” He leans in until his forehead rests against mine, his gaze dark and hungry. “They’ll kill for you. They’ll bleed for you. But only I get to keep you.” He kisses me again. “Veronica, I need you to tell me something. And I want the truth.”
“Okay.”
“What did Eric say to you that night at the club?”
“He called me sweetheart. It’s the nickname Tony used for me. Miles, I’m so angry. I feel so shattered,” I confess. “I don’t know what to do with it. It’s just there. The rage.”
“Baby,weare shattered. I’m your shattered king, and you’re my shattered queen, but we are each other's.”
