Page 80 of Defend Her Heart

Avery sets the vinyl down on the dresser and drops her purse and bag onto the vanity next to it. She still hasn’t said a word, so I’m afraid I’ve done too much. I’m about to reassure her it’s no big deal when she turns on her heels and runs full speed into my chest.

My hand abandons the suitcase immediately and finds the small of her back. Cradling her head with my other hand, I hold onto her like my life depends on it, afraid I won’t get the chance to feel her this close again.

She fits here like she never learned how to belong anywhere else, melting into me like she’s reaching for the same feeling I am. The one I’ve been chasing for years since I let her walk out of my life.

Something in my chest loosens the longer we stay like this. The longer she holds onto me, the more I think she doesn’t want to let go either.

And it’s starting to feel like maybe she wants this second chance, too.

I don’t realize how tightly I’m holding onto Connor until my fingers start to ache. I’m afraid if I loosen my grip, even just a little, this moment will slip right through my hands.

I should let go.

But I can’t.

Connor’s arms tighten around me and then I feel it. His lips press against the top of my head. My breath stutters, and I want more than anything to feel the press of those warm lips against mine.

It would be so easy. All I’d have to do is tilt my head back the slightest bit and lift my lips to his. I’m picturing it now in my mind, the way he’d respond, and how I’d open my mouth for him. I can almost feel his tongue tangled with mine.

God, I want to.

But there’s something holding me back. It’s heavy and sharp, and it won’t allow me to move.

I know what it feels like to lose him. I’ve already done it once. No, scratch that. I’ve already lost himtwice. First, he broke my heart when he left for college, and it took me years to feel comfortable being in his orbit again around our friends. Then, there’s the second time he left. Itwas even more confusing and painful than the first time because I had no idea why he disappeared. I still don’t truly know why working on himself meant cutting all of his friends out of his life.

Grieving him twice nearly destroyed me, and I don’t think I could survive it again. That alone is enough to keep my head down and pressed against his chest.

“Let’s get you unpacked.”

His words are the splash of cold water on the moment that I need. I pull away quickly and reach around him for my suitcase.

“I can do it. You’ve already done enough.”

Not waiting for a response, I pull the suitcase to the small walk-in closet that’s next to the bathroom. I can feel Connor’s attention on me, but I get to work unpacking my clothes.

“Let me know if you need anything. I’ll be in the living room.”

I might be imagining it, but I swear I hear sadness in his voice. When I look up to thank him, he’s already gone.

After the moment in my bedroom, things were awkward between Connor and me for the rest of the morning. He was overly polite while I did my best not to get in his way. It was like two people thrown into a waltz and I was the one who kept stepping on his toes.

When Sadie texted asking if I wanted to meet for lunch so we could catch up since I haven’t seen her much with Niko’s family in town, I jumped at the opportunity. I need to work through my jumbled thoughts with someone if I’m going to be able to handle living in the same space as Connor for the next week or two.

I walk into the restaurant and immediately spot Sadie sitting at a table near the window, the purple streaks in herhair looking more vibrant than the last time I saw her. As I weave my way through the vintage-looking tables, I take notice of the local art decorating the walls, giving this space a sense of community and welcoming vibe. I give her shoulder a squeeze before taking the seat across from her.

“Your hair looks amazing! Did you just get it done?”

She flings it over her shoulder in a dramatic fashion. “I did. I was nervous about meeting the rest of Niko’s family so I spent a day at the spa. Now that they’re here, I need a break. So I thought lunch with my new favorite friend and hopefullyallthe details of her moving in with her high school sweetie would be the perfect reprieve. I want to know everything!”

Ten seconds in the same space as Sadie already has me feeling lighter. There’s something about her and the energy she carries. She makes everyone around her feel better.

The waitress stops by and we both order our food. I wait for her to walk away before diving into all things Connor. As soon as she’s gone, I lean in closer to Sadie. She leans in as well, the two of us looking like we’re on some top secret mission, when all we’re here to do is gossip and sort through my feelings. I almost laugh at the ridiculousness of it all but it’s been so long since I’ve had a girlfriend I could meet for lunch and gush about boys, so I embrace the joy, ready to spill my guts.

I open my mouth to tell her everything, but then remember that no one on the Bobcats knows about our fake marriage arrangement. It’s going to be hard to sort through everything if I’m not absolutely honest about everything. Sadie knows Connor well and is dating his best friend. If anyone can help me figure him out, it’s her. Can I trust her not to tell Niko? I don’t even know if it’s fair to ask that of her. Would it be such a bad idea if she did tell him though?

“Are you okay?” Sadie whispers.

It’s then that I realize we’re both still leaning over the table. I drop my chin to my chest, unsure of what to do.