Page 72 of Louder Than Words

He leans back just enough to meet my eyes. “I don’tneeda baby, Allie. I have you and your girls. I love them just the same—and I’ll protect the three of you for the rest of my life. Regardless of their bloody DNA.”

And here I go again—becoming a sobbing, blubbering mess.

He brushes his thumbs beneath my eyes, gently catching every tear. “Please stop thinking that’s a deal breaker,” he says softly. “It never will be.”

We stand there for who knows how long. Long enough that I know my nosy neighbor has peeked out at least a dozen times. They watch in silence from across the street while pieces of my soul just keep chipping off.

But one thing that’s stayed the same is Jax is here picking up every little piece.

He holds each shard with such care, waiting for me to be ready to take them back. When will I finally feel okay enough to carry them again? I wish I knew. Because I hate feeling this way. Like I’m not worthy enough to even have someone like Jax in my life.

But I know I am. It’ll just take some time for me to be okay with everything again.

Hopefully after next week things will start to feel at least a little more normal.

30

Jax

“Ugh, I ate way too much,” Nora groans, rubbing a hand over her swollen belly with a dramatic sigh. “We’re heading out. Can you tell Allie thanks for everything?”

I nod. “Sure thing.”

I scan the room for Gareth and finally spot him on the couch, looking like his eyes are about to pop right out of their sockets and roll along the floor. The reason? Lydia has chocolate smeared over her entire face, in her hair, and hands coated and sticky as she holds them out to him. Poor mate looks like he’s about three seconds away from blowing chunks everywhere.

I move quickly, scooping Lydia up with one arm as her hands splat right on my wool flannel. “At least you’re getting some practice in before the baby comes,” I tease. “You know, with Nora’s other two.”

Am I poking the bear? Absolutely. But it’s been nearly five months, and I haven’t heard him mention her kidsonce. Two daughters, almost the same ages as Charlotte and Lydia. And somehow not a single word has been uttered about either of them. All I know is their names are Emma and Salem. I’m starting to wonder if they even exist at this point.

Gareth lets out a long breath and shakes his head. “Yeah, but Nora’s kids aren’t like Allie’s. Allie actually disciplines hers.”

I shrug. “I wouldn’t call it discipline as much as teaching them what’s okay and what’s not. But every kid acts out, mate. You should have seen Lydia and Charlotte go at it over a bubble blower. Total war zone.”

He goes to stand, carefully maneuvering away from Lydia like her hands were coated in something far worse than chocolate.

My eyebrows pull together. “Speaking of Allie, have you seen her? It’s like James and I finished cleaning the kitchen and she vanished.”

He points to her bedroom door. “Last I knew, she was in there with Ana.”

“Thanks, man. I assume you don’t wanna take this one for me for a minute?”

He quickly jumps back, and I’m doing my best not to burst out laughing from the sheer look of terror written on his face.

“Oh, give me the little rugrat,” James says, already reaching for her. “Come here, Lyd. You wanna go wash your hands?”

I shift her from my arms into his, and he catches her easily.

Lydia giggles, then playfully slaps both hands against his cheeks, the noise squelching loudly.

The look on Gareth’s face? Yeah, he’s about to hurl.

In a few short seconds, I’m standing in front of Allie’s door, hesitating for a split second before giving it three soft taps. I ease it open, and the first thing I see is Allie, hunched over with herhair messily thrown on top of her head, while Ana gently rubs slow circles on her back.

I push inside, crossing the room until I’m beside the bed. “Is everything okay?” I ask, trying to keep the worry out of my voice.

Allie turns, and it feels like I’ve been punched in the gut. Her eyes are bloodshot and puffy, the dried trails of tears still visible on her cheeks.

I quickly round the bed, stopping in front of her. The moment I open my mouth, the sharp, sour smell hits me like a slap and everything becomes painfully obvious.