Page 6 of Louder Than Words

But if I have any say in it? Those girls aren’t going anywhere. Not because some bitter bastard of a father wants to throw a tantrum worse than either of his daughters ever could. Allie has built them a home. One filled with love, safety, and happiness. She’s fought like hell to give them that. And I’ll fight like hellright alongside her to keep it that way. For them. For her. For whatever future we have waiting on the other side of this mess.

He hadsomany opportunities to make this right for his daughters, and clearly refuses to even try. That’s not how a father acts. Hell, that’s not how a decent human being acts.

And I’ll be damned if that’s the sort of role model these girls are left with.

3

Allie

Growing up, I was always told that if you did good things, those good things would make their way back to you.

What goes around comes around.

Karma doesn’t have a menu, you get what you deserve.

I truly believed that, and honestly, I still want to. That’s why I’ve always tried to do the right thing. I went to school to help people because it made me happy, worked my ass off, earned amazing grades, and even graduated near the top of my class. When it comes to being a mom, it has always come first. There’s nothing I wouldn’t give up to put my girls’ needs, and even their wants, before my own. And I never dreamed of cheating on Trevor. I left when I knew things were too broken to fix, and for the first time, I chose myself.

So where’s the good karma I was promised? When is the universe going to give me a pat on the back for doing things theright way? Because all I’ve gotten in return so far is PTSD and a custody battle.

Jax’s hand slips over mine, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I’m supposed to be having lunch with my family, not spiraling into “what ifs.” But it’s hard to stop once it starts. Especially after mediation, my thoughts haven’t stopped racing the entire hour I’ve been home.

I give him a tight-lipped smile, hoping he can read the apology in my eyes. Because I know if I say it out loud, the girls will just start asking questions I know I’m not ready to answer.

Honestly? I don’t think I’ll ever be.

“You okay?” he asks softly, running his thumb over my knuckles.

Usually that soothes me, but today? Today I need the world’s tallest glass of wine and a certain Welsh man to put me in my place. But the girls are still awake and fully wound up, so that fantasy’s going to have to wait. So instead, I nod. Because somehow that feels better than admitting out loud how much I feel like I’m drowning.

“Mommy?” Charlotte tugs my sleeve. “I’m full.”

I glance at her plate. She’s eaten about three-quarters of her dinosaur-shaped grilled cheese—which is honestly impressive for her.

Note to self: learn how to cut grilled cheese into dinosaurs like Jax does.

“Can you try one more bite?” I ask, knowing I’m pushing my luck.

She groans and kicks her foot against the tile. “But I’m full, Mama.”

For a second, I almost give in. Her little voice is like a knife slicing right through my skull, and with the pounding already building behind my eyes, I just don’t have the energy for arguments.

“I’ll tell you what,” Jax jumps in. “I’ll take my biggest bite if you take yours.” He raises a brow at her, but she doesn’t budge. She crosses her arms at her chest and lets out a huff instead.

Jax quickly swipes the grilled cheese from his plate and shoves theentirething into his mouth. Both of the girls squeal with laughter, and I swear my heart is about to burst. Although, I’m not sure if it’s from watching this gorgeous man make a fool out of himself just to make my girls laugh, or from the way their eyes sparkle while they watch him.

Both girls race to finish their food, cheeks puffed out like little hamsters, trying to copy him. Of course, the mom in me panics, half convinced one of them is about to choke, but how can I be the party pooper here? So I stay quiet. I sit back and watch the three of them laugh with their cheeks puffed out, eyes shining with joy while mine start to sting.

I swipe at the corner of my eye with my thumb and quickly start clearing plates. The second I make it to the sink, I brace myself against it, willing the tears to stop trying to break free.

Because all of this hurts. It hurts knowing how far Trevor’s willing to go just to tear it all apart. It hurts thinking this could be it—these silly, perfect moments fading into memories because Charlotte and Lydia are growing up faster than I’m ready for. And it breaks my heart to think there might never be another tiny human to add to this chaos.

I stare into the soapy water, scrubbing the same plate long enough that my fingers start to wrinkle. I’m not even sure how long it’s been, but I know it’s more than a few minutes when I realize the kitchen’s completely silent.

I don’t snap out of it until Jax’s arm slides around me, and he reaches into the sink to pull the plug. Then he turns me gently by the shoulders and gives them a light squeeze.

“Talk to me,” he murmurs.