Page 15 of Louder Than Words

I shrug and finally meet her eyes. “It’severything,” I whisper. “Trevor. The girls. Jax’s record, the distance, the accident…” I shake my head, still trying to make sense of it all myself. “It’s like I’m not even in control of my own life anymore, Mom.”

“And you two thought bringing a baby into this”—she waves a hand around—“chaos was going to help? Or was it just something you thought you’d have control over?”

Tears prick at my eyes again, and I draw in a deep breath, trying to hold them back, but God, that never works anymore.

“Ever since Dr. O’Neil said it might be impossible, it planted this seed in my brain. Like it reminded me how much I loved being pregnant, and how much I loved having the girls. Feeling that kind of love again…” I shrug. “I didn’t want to believe him when he said how hard it would be. I guess I just wanted to beat the odds.”

“I know you did, honey. But right now, you need to enjoy your time with Jax. There are always other ways to have a baby later, once you’ve both had more time and really get to know each other.”

I open my mouth to argue, but she lifts a finger to stop me.

“And I don’t mean that like I don’t think you’ll last,” she adds quickly. “Anyone with eyes can see how much you love each other, and how much he loves those girls.” She smiles softly. “I just mean… enjoy this part. Let him settle into being a stepdad before jumping into full-time parent mode. Let him enjoy his tour. What if you did get pregnant, and he had to leave you and the baby to go on the road? How do you think that would feel for him?”

My stomach sinks. Of course she’s right.

“He’d hate himself for missing out,” I whisper.

She tilts her head and smiles, and somehow it makes the world feel a little less heavy. “Exactly, sweetheart. I think you both just got excited, and that’s okay. New love issupposedto be exciting. But you know how hard it is having a baby. Don’t add that kind of pressure yet. What’s meant to be will be.”

She pulls me into another hug, but this one feels different. It still hurts, just maybe not as much. Because she’s right. We weren’t being smart. And even if you took the newness of our relationship out of it… I just had major surgery three months ago.

“But, you know,” she adds with a grin, “I heard if you keep your legs straight up in the air afterward, that’ll—”

My mouth drops. “Mom!”

This is exactly why she doesn’t live with me. Well, that and the fact that her place is close enough that she basically does anyway.

She laughs and pulls a tiny pair of pants from the laundry basket. “What? I’m just saying, if you’re going to ignore all my advice, you might as well try that,” she adds with a shrug.

I shake my head, trying not to smile. “You’re officially banned from the TV remote.”

Before she can argue back, my phone dings—twice—and I rush to grab it off the counter.

Jaxon

Hey… I know I should have told you sooner, or even in person, but it doesn’t look like that’ll happen in time. Things blew up with the label and they moved up the release date.The release party is on Oct 30 @ 7 at The Wren House in Boston Could I pick you up the night before?

Jaxon

I’m sorry it’s so last-minute. I really hope this still makes you smile.

I stare at the messages, a knot slowly forming in the pit of my stomach as my hand hovers over the screen.

“What is it, Allie?” Mom asks.

I drop into a chair, my eyes still fixed on my phone resting on the table. “Jax just texted that his release party—for the record I didn’t even know was finished—is already booked for the night before Halloween. Why wouldn’t he tell me it was finished if he’s at least known for a week?”

She slides into the seat across from me, setting a folded burp cloth on the table. “Sweetie, I don’t think he meant anything by it. He was probably just trying to protect you, not wanting to overwhelm you.”

I roll my eyes. “Yeah, well, I don’t need protecting.”

She tilts her head and narrows her eyes in that classic mom way—the exact one I inherited.

I throw my hands up. “Okay, maybe a little. But I can’t just take off to Boston the night before Halloween. We’d be stuck there all weekend with traffic.”

She laughs. “What’s so bad about that? Trevor’s got the girls this year, anyway.”

“Yeah, but—”