Page 109 of Louder Than Words

“I’m perfectly fine right here.”

“Allie—”

“Oh, just say it, Trevor. I already know you won,” I practically spit. “That’s why you have the envelope—to shove it in my face. On Christmas Eve, no less. What kind of monster does that?”

He shrugs, sliding the manila envelope out from under his arm. “I don’t know, Allie. You’ll have to ask the courthousethat question because I’m not the one that won.” He holds the envelope out between us. “Youdid.”

My mouth falls open, my hand flying to cover it as my eyes stay locked on the envelope.

I won?

Relief crashes through me so fast it aches in my chest, and for a second I can hardly breathe.

The girls aremine. Fully mine. I don’t even know what to say—or what to believe. Wouldn’t we have gotten the papers at the same time? I know I didn’t receive anything.

“It feels kind of sick that the post office is even open on Christmas Eve,” he says, sniffling, and I can see how much this hurts him. And I hate to admit it, but it almost breaks my heart, because I know this feeling.

But he’s also the reason either of us had to feel it in the first place.

I jut my chin over my shoulder. “Come on. Let’s talk in the kitchen.”

When we cross the entryway, Trevor immediately sinks into one of the chairs at the kitchen table. I, on the other hand, walk to the other side, busying my hands as I pour both of us a cup of hot chocolate that Jax and I made earlier. Thankfully, it’s still warm in the slow cooker.

His eyes never leave his hands folded in his lap as I slide the mug toward him.

I lean against the island, letting the heat seep through the ceramic and into my suddenly freezing fingers.

“Look, Allie… I-I’m sorry. Truly. I thought…” He trails off, rubbing the back of his neck, his gaze fixed on his lap. “I don’t know. I guess I thought it would somehow help.”

I blink, my eyebrows pulling so close together they’re practically one. “Help?” I echo. “What do you mean, help? Howcould either of us losing custody of our daughters help anything, Trevor?”

“I thought it would speed things along,” he says. “I honestly thought you were just starstruck. The second I saw Jax Owens—the same guy you basically drooled over for the last year of our relationship—standing in your hospital room, I figured this whole thing was some kind of fantasy for you. And that maybe if he wasn’t around…” He trails off again, now picking at the edge of my table where a small splinter has lifted from the wood.

“That if he wasn’t around, then what?” I ask, completely baffled.

His eyes meet mine for a brief second before dropping again as he shrugs. “That you’d come back to me.”

Before his words even have time to register, the unmistakable sound of Ana retching echoes from the hallway.

I press my lips between my teeth to keep from laughing as Trevor’s face turns the deepest red I’ve ever seen. Even the tips of his ears are crimson—his one sign that shows just how embarrassed he is that Ana of all people heard that.

Then his revelation finally hits me like a blow—harder than the one I took in Boston.

I shake my head, holding up a hand. “Wait a second. You thought I would leave Jax and go back to you if you had full custody of the girls? After everything you put me through? What you put all of us through?”

“Well, that was the thought at first. But then things just… spiraled out of control. I—God, I screwed up.”

“What about Marissa? Where does she fit in any of this?”

His lips clamp shut.

“She left… didn’t she?” I ask softly.

He nods. “Yeah. She did. She figured it out when you passed out in court.”

My brows pinch together. “What do you mean?”

“Because I called the hospital like fifty times asking for an update, but since I’m not on the emergency forms anymore they wouldn’t tell me anything.”