Page 98 of Don't Think

“Allie, I love you, but you forget I was there for both of your pregnancies,” she says, matter-of-factly. “You found out with Lydia at this stage.”

I roll my eyes, not wanting to entertain the idea anymore.

What if my birth control failed? What would we do then? Would it change anything between us? Can I handle the stress of a surprise pregnancy while still figuring out life with the girls I already have?

Before I can further descend into my spiral, Ana’s phone buzzes.

“He’s here,” she says, standing from the bed. “I’ll be right back.”

She heads downstairs, and when she comes back, she hands me the test like it’s some kind of contraband. I slip into the bathroom, trying to get it over with as fast as possible.

Sitting on the edge of the tub, the test gripped tightly in my hand, I stare at the blinking clock. Anxiety has me in a chokehold, making it feel like I can’t breathe.

Maybe I should’ve waited for Jax. How would he even handle something like this? We’ve only been seeing each other for three and a half weeks.

My heart’s pounding in my chest, creeping closer to panic attack territory.

I pinch my eyes closed and blow out a long, shaky breath.

When I finally open them, my eyes fall to the test in my hand. NOT PREGNANT.

I should feel relieved, right?

Why does it feel like there’s a small weight in my chest, like a lingering disappointment I can’t quite shake?

It’s definitely for the best, but something in my gut tells me Jax wouldn’t be the type to leave me high and dry.

He’s going to make an amazing dad one day.

There’s a soft knock at the door, three quick taps, before it creaks open.

“It’s been like ten minutes. Didn’t want you to, you know, fall in or something,” Ana jokes, giving me a smile before stepping inside. “So… am I gonna be an aunt again?”

I shake my head and show her the test before tossing it into the trash.

She places a hand over her heart and lets out a low whistle. “Thank God.” She laughs, but her tone softens almost immediately. “And I don’t mean that in a ‘thank God because you’re a terrible mom’ kind of way,” she adds, walking over to sit beside me. “I just think you and Jax should probably know each other a little better before you start bringing insanely talented, redheaded musical prodigies into the world.”

I chuckle, glancing up at her. “Don’t worry, I know what you mean.”

She leans over and gently tilts my chin so I meet her eyes. “It’s okay to feel disappointed. You know that, right?”

I nod, then rest my head on her shoulder, letting out a long sigh. “Thank you for not being mad at me.”

“I actually have a confession to make.” Her voice is soft, but I can hear the hesitation in it.

I glance up at her, my brow raised, waiting for her to continue.

“I actually already knew you guys were together.”

My mouth falls open. “How?”

She laughs lightly. “It was obvious. I told Jax earlier. He was going to tell you, I’m sure, but… well, you know.”

I slouch, letting the weight of that sink in. “So Nora had a point,” I murmur, my voice barely above a whisper.

“She did,” Ana admits, nodding. “But she went about it the wrong way. She said some things that weren’t fair.”

“Do you think she’ll still come tomorrow?”