Page 130 of Don't Think

I give him a look. “Jax. I’m serious.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” he says, his voice softening. “I’ll be fine. Promise.”

I want to keep pushing, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned about Jax over the past month, it’s that if he doesn’t want to talk about something, it’s probably really bugging him. And he’ll come to me when he’s ready.

So I let it go, and hope he comes to me soon.

The whole ride back to the house is just as tense as I expected. Jax does his best to keep me distracted, but every time we hit a stoplight, I can feel my heart rate shoot up.

But now, we’re inside, and my head’s resting against his chest, safe and sound.

At least until tomorrow.

“What’s the plan for tomorrow?” I ask, glancing up at him.

“Well, Ana packed your stuff this morning,” he says. “And Nora’s sticking around for a few more days with Gareth to figure things out—”

He suddenly stops, sinking further into the couch. I gently push myself off him and take his hand in mine.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” I ask quietly.

He shrugs, looking unsure. “I just… don’t want it to keep weighing on you,” he admits. “It worries me. I can’t even imagine how tough it’s gonna be for you, with her being your best friend and…”

Tears threaten to spill, but I blink them back.

“I know,” I say, giving his hand a soft squeeze. “I’ll figure it out. But what about you? We never really talked about how you’re feeling, with everything going on.”

He fidgets, eyes scanning the living room like he’s looking for something else to focus on.

“We don’t have to if you—”

“I never thought about having kids,” he finally says, meeting my gaze. “Not once. But the second I met you, and really got to know you…” He shakes his head slowly, like he can’t believe it himself. “I didn’t even realize I wanted something this much, but it doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

He tightens his grip on me, and I feel everything inside me start to spill over.

And then it does—tears are streaming down my face, and I try to hold them back, but I can’t.

He runs his fingers through my hair, gently massaging my scalp while he smooths it down. “I’m so sorry, love,” he murmurs into my hair.

“It’s not fair,” I cry, finally saying what I’ve been holding in.

“I know,” he says softly.

He rocks us back and forth, holding me tighter while my sobs come harder.

This is a part of me I don’t think I’ll ever fully heal from. We may have just started to figure each other out, and we might not have even known we’d want something like this, but it still feels like aloss.

I have no idea how I’m going to handle watching Nora go through her pregnancy. That’s going to be the hardest part. Trying to hide my sadness while trying to be happy for my best friend.

But how? How do I fake it? How do I act like everything’s fine when my world’s falling apart? Like something’s been ripped away from me?

“Woah,” Ana says from behind us, making us both jump.

I quickly pull myself out of Jax’s arms, wiping my eyes frantically.

She eyes us both. “I mean, we’re not leaving until tomorrow. Didn’t you guys already figure out how to make this work? What’s with the tears?” She laughs lightly, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

I glance at Jax, and he gently runs his thumb under my eyes, catching the last of my tears.