Page 106 of Don't Think

Gripping my mug tightly in my hands, I let its warmth seep through the ceramic and carefully lift it to my nose in hopes it’ll drown out the other scents.

After taking a slow sip, I set the mug down gently and lift my eyes until they land on her from across the table. Shestillhasn’t looked up once. We’ve been here for at least thirty minutes already, and she hasn’t said a single word. Just ordered her food and scrolled through her phone until the waitress dropped off her multiple plates.

But I haven’t said much of anything either besides, “Thanks for meeting me,” like this was some business arrangement.

I try to clear my throat, a futile attempt to break the silence, but even that doesn’t make her glance up. She just stabs her fork violently into her home fries, more than likely picturing my face in there somewhere.

Then, my phone vibrates deep in my pocket, echoing loudly across the restaurant since these damn chairs are plastic. It causes a few people to shoot me annoyed glances, and I suddenly want to sink farther into my chair. Or maybe even crawl under the table.

I pull it out quickly and check the message.

Jaxon

Hey sweetheart. Just wanted to say you got this, and I’m a message away if you need me. If I don’t answer, I might be in the booth, so try James. Love you.

My smile widens after every reread. Each time is better than the last, and the butterflies flood through my stomach.

I haven’t told him I loved him back, yet. I’ve been trying so hard to make sure that’s exactly what this feelingisbefore spewing it out there. But I know without a doubt that I do. There’s no other name for this feeling I have just seeing his name on my screen, or every time we’re together.

But the first time I say the words, won’t be through a text. I want to look into his eyes when I say it, so he knows how much I mean every word.

You’re going to do great. Remember, you deserve this. And don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. See you when you get out, handsome <3

“Let me guess… that was Jax,” Nora says, finally breaking the silence. The way she says it, I can’t tell if she’sannoyedor just stating a simple fact. There’s almost no emotion in her tone, and she still hasn’t bothered looking up from her monstrosity of a plate.

My eyes fall to my lap, and I nervously start picking at my fingernails.

“Uh… yeah. It was,” I admit quietly.

She drops her fork onto her plate and reaches over to grab the stack of French toast shealsoordered. Now I’m just wondering if Gareth even fed her while she was over there.

“Look, I don’t want you to think I’m not happy for you. I am. I just… don’t get why you couldn’ttellme. It’s not like you were the only one sleeping with someone on vacation,” she says nonchalantly with a shrug.

I blow out a long breath, finally feeling like I can fill my lungs now that she’sspeaking,since I sure as hell didn’t know how to start.

“Honestly?” I shrug, shaking my head. “I just didn’t want to be talked out of it. It felt like something I needed to do for myself, and I know you guys care. I just wanted to feel like I was in control for once.”

She pauses cutting before her eyes flick to mine. “But I was doing the same thing, Allie. Did you try to talk me out of it?”

I blink a few times, then shake my head. “Well… no.”

“And why was that?”

I laugh nervously. “Because you’re an adult. You’re capable of making your own decisions with your body.”

She gestures toward me, like I’ve just made her entire point.

Well… I guess Ididjust say her whole point.

I look down, slipping the hem of my shirt between my fingers. “I’m… sorry, Nora. I should have told you. I just honestly didn’t think it would even last long enough to be worth mentioning to anyone,” I admit quietly, still not looking up.

“Why didn’t you think it would last?”

“Because I’m me… and he’s, well, him,” I say with a soft chuckle, then look up to meet her eyes. “I really didn’t think I could handle the whole no-strings-attached thing. But I was thinking about the bucket list and all the things I missed out on in my life.”

She narrows her eyes at me, one brow still raised high. “Oh, don’t tell me you guys fell in love.”

She says “love” like it’s a dirty word. Although there’s a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.