Page 38 of The Forbidden Billionaire
“She was your girlfriend! That’s what your partner does. Or is supposed to do, anyway.”
“I’m not going to blame her for walking out. I was impossible to live with. She deserved better.” My words come out clipped and flat, like stones skimming across the surface of the sea.
“Are you still having nightmares?” he asks softly.
I have another mouthful of beer and look away. I don’t want to talk about the soaked sheets and cries in the dark. And I certainly don’t want to talk about what caused them.
“Sorry,” he says eventually. “I shouldn’t have asked.”
“It’s okay. I’d better do a lap.” I force my lips to curve up. “Congratulations on the engagement. I’m thrilled for you.”
“Thanks, man.” He holds his arms out for a bearhug. I return it, touched, and then leave him to find his girl. I hand over my principal to Kai, who’s also on duty, then start a walk around the premises.
The Ashfords have a full security team, and several members are stationed on the perimeter of the vineyard. I walk between them and talk to each of them, even though we have walkie talkies, making sure none of them have spotted anything unusual. I sweep my flashlight through the vines and circle the wine cellar. Then I follow the road down to the beach.
I stand there for a while, letting the gentle wash of the ocean up the sand soothe me, trying not to think about Afghanistan, or Penny, or my parents’ divorce, or the fact that my brothers don’t talk to each other anymore. It’s impossible, though. All my memories feel jumbled up like snooker balls in a bag, and I don’t know which color I’m going to pull out at any one moment.
I feel as if I have so few nice memories, but that’s ridiculous, because I enjoyed my time in the army. I had somegood times with Penny. I have great memories of my parents, and I still get on with both my brothers. Why is it that bad memories are so much more vivid than good ones? Why do they dominate more?
I saw a therapist for a while, when I first came out of the army. He said part of the reason I’m struggling is because I haven’t yet made new memories to take the place of those giving me trouble. I guess he’s right, but it feels impossible to move on all the time I’m haunted like this.
Well, it won’t get any better out here, on my own. He also told me I need to be around people and not dwell on my own so much, so I make my way slowly back to the vineyard. It’s close to midnight now, and I stand outside in the courtyard, listening to everyone inside starting to get to their feet and refilling their drinks ready for the big moment.
Wow, it’s a clear night. The Milky Way is clearly visible as a splash of stars across the sky. I look up and watch a shooting star sear through the darkness, its life as brief as a mayfly’s.
“Brought you a boring beer,” a voice says from beside me.
I glance across and see Aurelia holding out a non-alcoholic beer for me. “Thank you.” I take it from her.
“It’s a lovely evening.” She’s wearing a black off-the-shoulder top tonight, and as she looks up at the stars, she reveals the creamy-white skin of her neck and shoulders, lightly covered in freckles. I imagine touching my lips to each of those freckles, joining the dots across her collarbone and up her neck.
She glances at me, catching me looking at her, and I clear my throat. “You should go in. It’s nearly midnight, and Mr. Bum Fluff is going to expect his New Year’s kiss.”
Although I tried initially to stay professional, her constant teasing has gradually eroded away at my decorum. We’ve lapsed into an easy banter when we’re alone that, I have to say, I rather enjoy.
Her lips curve up. “Don’t mock him.” She elbows me. “He’s a nice guy.”
“I’m sure he is, if you’re turned on by eighteen-year-olds.”
She pokes her tongue out at me. “He’s only a year younger than me. And he’s quiet and gentle. He doesn’t boss me around.”
“I’m supposed to boss you around. It’s my job.”
“I wasn’t talking about you,” she says, amused. “Although if the cap fits…”
“You’re talking about Dom?”
“Yeah.” She looks at her glass, then has a mouthful of wine. “It really shook me up, seeing him again. I should have listened to you.”
“Can I have that in writing please?” I joke, even though the thought of Dominic thinking he can control her fills me with fury.
She smiles, but there’s sadness behind it, and she gives a little shiver. “I hate admitting it, but he scared me.”
I look down at her. “If he comes anywhere near you again, I’ll punch his teeth down his throat.”
In the background, everyone starts counting back from ten. Aurelia looks up at me again, and her bright-green eyes meet mine.
We stand there for ten seconds, looking at each other, until everyone cheers as the clock strikes midnight.
