Page 89 of Under Pressure

His head tips back as he looks up at me, almost sadly. “I want to. I’ll be gone for nine days.”

My stomach turns. The emotion throbbing in my veins is unusual for me. Normally, it’s reserved for when Callie goes days without texting me back during finals or the nights I get lost in the past, unable to free myself of it. It’s anxiety and fear. A deep-rooted pang of isolation and a yearning for companionship.Loneliness.

But he’s still here, and I’m not alone. Yet.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he murmurs, standing before I quickly turn and glare at the wall of windows through blurry vision.

“Nothing. Go, please.”

“Not happening.”

His warmth hits my back, and I blink profusely, willing the tears away before they can fall. I’m being pathetic. Truly pitiful. I can’t possibly already miss him this badly. He hasn’t even left yet.

That detail doesn’t seem to matter. His arms curl around me, and two steady hands clasp at my belly. He drops his chin to my shoulder and nuzzles into my neck, his stubble scratching. I grip his wrists and suck in a sharp breath, angry with myself, but also with him for making me feel this way. For letting me get close enough to care about him and what he does and where he goes.

“Talk to me.”

I grit my teeth, squeezing my eyes shut. His hands unclasp and press against me instead, rubbing soothingly. The tearsgather in the corners of my eyes, and I angrily dig my thumbs into them.

“Who taught you that it’s not okay to miss someone? Or that crying is a crime?” he whispers, pressing a simple kiss to my jaw.

“You don’t want to know the root of all my problems, Beck. Especially not now. Not before you need to get on a plane and do what you get paid a bazillion dollars to do.”

He squeezes my hips and tugs me back into his body until we’re completely pressed together. “There are other planes, and it’s eighteen million, not a bazillion.”

“Like that’s any better.”

“It’s okay to be vulnerable with the people you trust. Do you trust me?”

Do I? It should be a question that I need to think about, but I know the answer instantly.

“Yes.”

“So, tell me what’s going through that beautiful head of yours.”

“I’m going to miss you.”

There’s a brief, silent pause. Even the AC stops blowing, making it heavier. Then, Beck brings his lips to the side of my neck and kisses up to my cheekbone, lingering there.

“I’m going to miss you so fucking much, baby.”

I shiver in his arms, consuming those words. “I don’t like being vulnerable.”

“I know. But you don’t have anything to be ashamed of. You’re safe with me. Regardless of whether you want to be angry or happy, reclusive or open, stern or lighthearted, I’ll be here. You’ve just got to let me.”

“And I suppose that’s so easy for you to do.”

“It is, but only because I was encouraged to be vulnerable my entire life. I never had a reason to protect myself and my emotions, so how I choose to think and feel is for me alone. If you need to do things differently, then that’s that. It isn’t somebig revelation to me that you keep your heart locked up. I’ve been trying to break into it for a long while now.”

I can hear the smile in his voice just as clearly as I can feel it against my skin. It’s the last bit of confirmation I need to convince my stubborn mind that he’s being honest.

Beckett Rourke is a good man.

He’s too good for me.

“It’s impenetrable,” I mutter bitterly.

“Is it?” His teeth graze my cheek before he uses the tips of his fingers to guide my hair over my shoulder. “Because I think you have feelings for me and that those feelings scare you.”