Page 113 of Under Pressure

“You captured my attention that day and haven’t given me one goddamn second of peace since. I don’t know how to do anything but love you. I’m a pathetic fool for you, but I’ve never been prouder. I’d do the most embarrassing things for a sliver of your attention without thinking twice about what someone thinks of me. The only opinion I’ve wanted about anything in months is yours. And I’ve gottenthisfucking close to winning your heart.”

Holding my thumb and forefinger only a hair apart, I finally stand. Quinn stares at my feet, watching them move toward her.

“There isn’t anything you could say about your past that would change how much I love you. Why won’t you believe that?”

“You don’t understand,” she whispers, sounding like a ghost of herself.

My heart cracks right down the middle. “So help me. I can’t be half in with you anymore. It’s all or nothing because I have so much I want to give you, but I can’t do that if you’re going to continue holding me at arm’s length.”

“You’re as close as I’ve let anyone in a long time, Beck.”

“It’s not good enough!”

She chokes on a sob but refuses to let her tears fall. Turningaway from me, she forces her chin up and keeps her eyes on the empty field.

“Why did you come here?” I push.

The lack of an answer hurts worse than hearing a rejection would. Her silence isn’t because she doesn’t have an answer. She does. I know that. It’s her refusal to tell me and open that last door for me to walk through that puts that final nail in the coffin I’ve barely been keeping open.

I’ve spent my entire life successfully avoiding heartbreak, only to get hit with twenty-nine years’ worth of it all at once.

39

Four days.

That’s how long I get to hide before being forced to see Beck again.

Despite wearing gloves, I have melted chocolate beneath my nails and between my fingers. I’m pretty sure there’s some behind my ear and smeared across my cheeks, too. I stopped checking the time hours ago.

The only good that did was remind me that he hasn’t called or texted.

Brielle’s engagement party is tonight, and since I’d already told her that I’d be the one delivering the treats, she’s expecting me there. Forcing Ruthie to do the delivery for me would only make me look worse than they probably already think of me now.

My mood sours further when Ruthie bumps shoulders with me and gives me the stink eye. It’s the fifth time so far today she’s looked at me like that, and I’ve had it. I jab a cake pop into the pink chocolate and bite down on my tongue. The pain doesn’t distract me from the stifling tension in the kitchen.

“What’s your problem today?” I snap.

She grunts. “Just focus on the treats.”

“Because you’ve made that so easy.” I roughly tap the excess chocolate off before setting the cake pop down on the parchment. It goes down too hard, and I watch with a grim expression when it cracks and falls off the stick. “Fuck.”

“That’s the tenth one! I should just finish these up myself.”

“Not happening. We made extras for a reason.”

“You coming in here today and acting like a bull in a china shop wasn’t the reason why. Either knock it off or go home.”

I clench my teeth, ignoring her ultimatum. Neither of us speaks as I take another cake pop and begin the dipping process. The never-ending line of them on the counter still needs to be decorated with the gold Brielle requested. It’s been hours, and I’ve never felt more defeated. The pressure on my chest won’t disappear, and every minute I spend down here dipping treats in chocolate, the worse it gets.

With deep purple bags beneath my swollen eyes, I glance across the room and finally check the time. 12:47. We’ve been doing this for seven hours. It feels like it’s been double that. Time drags. It has for days now.

“When are you going to talk to me?” Ruthie asks, her voice sharp, blunt.

I exhale and swap the chocolate-covered cake pop for a bare one. “About what?”

“You broke up with him, didn’t you?”

“How could I have broken up with him when we weren’t dating?” I counter bluntly.