Page 55 of Vow of Desire

He makes a sound low in his throat. “That’s not the point. The point is that when I saw you, I was happy you were going to be mine. I thought you were so beautiful. I desired you then and I still desire you now. You’re putting all this pressure on yourself, Luciana, and it’s going to kill you one day. You are not failing as my wife. If you were to just communicate with me, then everything would be fine. Be real with me. That’s all I’ve ever asked of you.”

“I just wanted to do my duty as your wife.”

“How do you think that makes me feel? That you only wanted to have sex with me because of your duty? I want you to desire me as well.”

“I do,” I whisper. “I wanted it. I wanted you to touch me.”

“But you wanted me to touch you in a way that you had deemed shameful. You wanted to be punished for Alexandra’s death. But I’m not going to punish you for that. I’m not going to have sex with you again unless you come to me first. I want you to come to me because you truly want it.”

“I do want it. I wasn’t lying about that. I enjoyed it. More than I thought I would.”

A small smile crosses his lips but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “And that makes me happy. I’ll keep reminding you every day if I have to that you’re good enough. But you have to let go of all the things you’re holding on to. You are not responsible for Alexandra’s death. Dante had her killed. And even if it was because of you, that still doesn’t make it your fault. I will deal with Dante. I will make sure he doesn’t come for you. You will be safe. That’s my promise. So let it go, Luciana. Please.”

The desperation in his voice fills my heart with longing and a deep ache that hurts all the way through my entire body. I know he means every word he says. There’s so much sincerity in his eyes. Why have I never seen it before? My husband may have done bad things but I know he wants what’s best for me. And I have to start seeing that.

I have to accept who my husband is. I have to accept who I am.

But that doesn’t just make my shame disappear.

“I’ll try,” I answer because I know it’s what he needs to hear. But I know deep down that it won’t be easy.

The entire time, I can feel the soreness building between my legs. It’s a reminder that I’ll have to live with my actions for the rest of my life.

Chapter Fourteen

Matteo

Things are tense between me and Luciana to say the least.

She was holding on to so much shame that she had me take her virginity the way I did. I should have known better. I should have known she wasn’t thinking straight. But I was caught up in the moment and she was begging me to claim her body.

I’ve wanted Luciana since the moment I first laid eyes on her.

And now, for the first time in my life, I regret having sex with a woman. Taking Luciana’s virginity should not have been that way. And yet it happened.

All because of Alexandra’s death.

I go to Gabriel about what Luciana told me. If Dante is proving to be a problem and is trying to come after my wife, I have to stop it before it can even happen.

“What’s going on?” Gabriel asks as we meet at his nightclub in the back office. Rocco is there too. Of course he is. I just know he’s not going to take this well. “Why did you need to call this emergency meeting?”

“I think Dante Zaneli is trying to go after Luciana.”

Rocco shoots to his feet. “What? Why would you think that?”

“Because of Alexandra Ricci’s death.” I then explain to them what Luciana told me. “She believes he killed Alexandra because she gave Alexandra’s name to him. I’m still not sure if that’s fully true and I still don’t know why Dante would want Luciana. I’m not sure if he wants her dead or alive. But I think he’s going to be a problem and we need to stop him.”

“You mean kill him,” Gabriel states with no emotion on his face.

“Or make a deal with him. Something to keep him from attacking. If he goes after Luciana…”

“Then I’m blaming you,” Rocco growls. I stand up straighter, startled. “If my daughter is hurt on your watch, I will hurt you.”

“Enough,” Gabriel warns. “I don’t need you two fighting over this. I’ll look into Dante. I’ll think of something. Offering peace would be better than going to war.”

“Don’t mention Luciana to him,” I say. “I don’t want him to know who she really is if he’s coming for her.”

Gabriel inclines his head. “Of course. I would never want to do something that could put Luciana in danger.”