Page 13 of Vow of Desire

I clutch the bouquet of flowers – dahlias and peonies. The ones Matteo chose for me. Not the ones I chose for myself.

My wedding I have been dreaming of since I was a child and now it’s just… gone. I didn’t get to plan it how I wanted. I didn’t get to choose the man I’ll marry. It’s all been chosen for me.

My dress is the only thing I’ve had a say in, which is something. But it’s not enough. It’s just a dress. Nothing more.

My father knocks on my bedroom door. The hair stylist and makeup artist already left. I’ve just been staring at myself in the mirror for the past hour, unable to move.

“Luciana?” He walks into the room, looking me over, before tears seep from his eyes. It’s a rare sight to see my father cry. “You look beautiful. You look like a grown woman.”

It’s what I was going for. The desire to be a grown woman. And yet, I have to become one only because I’m marrying a man who scares me. Matteo made it clear last night that I shouldn’t think about running. My father’s life is in danger. How can I ever love a man like Matteo?

“I’m so scared I’m going to lose you,” my father whispers.

“I know.” I still can’t get myself to face him. I’ll crack if I do and today, I have to be like stone. “But you won’t. I’ll still be your daughter. Matteo can’t keep me from you.”

“I hope he doesn’t but he might. He might take you out of the city and there’s nothing I’ll be able to do now. All for peace. For fucking peace.” He scoffs.

Hearing my father cuss is a shock. He rarely does it.

“Matteo will hurt you, Daddy. I cannot let him do that. I’ll marry him. I’ll be a good wife. A good daughter. I’ll do the right thing. It’s what I’ve been raised for, hasn’t it?”

“I raised you to make me proud, so I guess, in a way it has been what I raised you for. But I was hoping you’d marry a man I got to choose for you.”

I finally turn to face him. “Daddy, would you have ever chosen a man for me? You would have clung to me forever if you had the chance.”

“You’re right,” he admits, wiping his eyes. “You’re right. I wasn’t going to let you go for anything but now I have to. Because Gabriel is making me. Sometimes I love him as a boss. I care for him. But other times, I really hate him and right now, I despise him for making me give you up.”

“I know. But I will be fine. I have to be.” Or I might crack and then who knows what will happen?

He nods, resigned to the fact that this is happening.

We drive to the church in silence. I’m grateful for our driver, Tom, because right now, I don’t think my father could drive. He can’t stop crying.

He clings to my arm as we walk up the church steps and stand before the door. Once it opens, my entire life is going to change. I’ll be married to Matteo. I’ll be a mafia man’s wife instead of just a mafia man’s daughter.

This is the moment I was raised for.

And it’s the most terrifying moment of my life.

“I love you, Daddy,” I whisper right before the doors open. Music swells. The guests stand up from the pews. The large, ornate church is beautiful and gothic and rich. But all I can see is the man standing at the end of the aisle. Matteo Marani. My husband in just a few moments.

He looks incredibly handsome in his black suit. His dark hair is slicked back. His five o’clock shadow makes him look more tempting.

How can a man look so good and yet so terrifying? An angel and a demon.

I take in a deep breath and step forward. My father forces his feet to move and then we’re walking down the aisle. Gabriel and Aurora are here. So is Sienna and her mother. Alexandra and some of the older mafia ladies are present. A lot of my father’s men are here as well.

I notice some men I don’t recognize. Probably Matteo’s men. The mafia side of him that I don’t know at all.

Leo and Emma are not here, which is for the best. I don’t blame them after everything that happened with Matteo.

The music suddenly stops and it makes my head jerk up. It’s then that I realize I’m at the end of the aisle. Matteo is standing a few steps above me, holding his hand out.

My father, with trembling fingers, grabs my hand and places it into Matteo’s. I stumble when I walk up the steps. Matteo rightens me.

My face flushes when I hear a few snickers. A quick glance to the side shows Alexandra and the other older mafia women smirking. They like seeing this. They like knowing I’m going through pain. Embarrassment. Women like Alexandra have nothing else to live for.

I force my breathing to slow down as I look into Matteo’s eyes. That’s a mistake. His expression is dark and intense and deep, like he could swallow me whole with just his gaze. Will I lose myself to him when I don’t even fully know who I am yet? I was never given the chance to discover myself as a woman instead of a little girl.