Page 62 of Knuckles

When she came into my room ready to shout about me, I told her I thought she was dead, that I was all alone, and she changed, she softened…

“I love you, Mama,” I whisper as I throw my arms around her neck, ignoring the pain in my side where she whipped me yesterday.

She freezes for a moment before she carefully holds me back, then chokes, “Love you too, baby…”

“Come on, brother, Clark and Drew have set everything up for the wake in the common room.” Cage whispers, and I nod but don’t take my eyes off my mother's grave, unable to get my thoughts straight.

I hate her, yet I’m sad she’s gone, how fucking confusing is that?

***

“Sweetheart, can I have a moment with my son?” my dad asks an hour later, and Kodi, who has her head on my shoulder, with my hand firmly placed between her thighs, goes to move, and I grip her tighter, refusing to let her leave.

I feel Kodi sigh before she rests her head back on my shoulder, and I lock eyes with my dad, who smiles softly as he takes a seat.

“Okay, I’ll talk with her here,” he says softly, and I nod once as the brothers watch on.

They know I’m confused, but with Kodi, whatever decision I make, I’m going to be alright because of her, even if it’s out of state, and they know this, but they don’t want to lose me.

“I understand that everything with your mom is confusing. You’re sad but also angry because you don’t understand why you are so sad,” he whispers as he leans forward and my jaw ticks. He continues, “She abused you, I missed it, the club missed it. I was too busy trying to live the bachelor life I always said I’d have after my high school sweetheart cheated and turned traitor against the club. I didn’t want kids, I’m not going to lie about that, and even though you don’t believe me, I do fucking love you, son. Not because of the club or my legacy. I only threatened your gym because I could see you pulling away, and then, after that, I valued my life.”

I snort because yeah, he has a point. I was ready to kill him for threatening to take the one good thing in my life.

“We brothers have been treating you like shit,” Striker rasps, continuing from my dad, “Me especially because you could have been mine and I never wanted kids, I never wanted someone to carry my fucked-up bloodline, and I’m so fucking sorry. I’m sorry for how I treated you, I’m sorry I made you feel unloved when you are very much so. And I’m so fucking sorry you lost your mom the way you did. We know she wanted to try with you, to earn your forgiveness even though it wasn’t earnable.”

I swallow hard and turn my head, pressing my lips against my girl's head while squeezing her thigh for support.

The brothers are hoping to use my fucked up, confused emotions to convince me to stay at the club. I just don’t know if I want to, losing Mom the way I did, not able to come to terms with my childhood before she decided to stand in front of me, to take a bullet for me after years of abuse, it’s fucked with my head and the only person keeping me grounded right now is my girl who I will be marrying soon.

“I need a break,” I admit quietly, “I can’t do this right now, my head is too fucked up.”

“And we understand that, brother,” Cage murmurs, “But we’re not backing up because right now, you need all of us to help you overcome your feelings. She was a bitch, but she was still your mom. She treated you like shit, hurt you, yet sometimes spoke to you lovingly. She tried to save you when she spent years marking your body. You need us, even though you don’t think you do, you need us, brother, and we’re going to be there every step of the fucking way.”

I nod but don’t say anything, instead, I close my eyes and inhale my girl, before murmuring, “I love you, fireball,” and feel her squeeze my cut.

I’m still pissed at her for tackling Masters yet a-fucking-gain, and I really need her to stop trying to save me, especially when I could have lost her.

“I love you too, and whatever you decide about the future, despite Trick messing with my jobs, I’ll follow you anywhere,” she whispers in return as the brothers watch us closely like fucking stalkers.

I squeeze her thigh tighter as my mom's eyes flash before me, full of life, full of apologies, and my eyes sting, my fucked up emotions only making me angrier.

She fucking hurt me, yet I’m sad. The brothers ignored it and neglected me, and I’m fucking angry.

I really don’t know how to learn to forgive when the woman who was supposed to protect me decided to do so too late.

I don’t know how to be a brother anymore, protecting a club that never protected me.

Chapter 27

Kodi – A Week Later

I gently chew my bottom lip as I lean against the ring and watch my boyfriend kick the shit outta the bag, my name large down his side in view that always sets my heart on fire.

It’s been a week since his mom's funeral, a week of four more failed interviews that Clark will not admit to knowing it was her husband. A week since Liam has lost himself and while yes, he spends the night with his arms wrapped around me, needing me in his sights as much as possible, his mind is not there. The brothers aren’t really helping his mind set either even though they mean well. They are trying to show him that they are there for him.

Everywhere he goes, a brother pops up, ensuring he knows they won’t allow him to hand in his cut. Last night in the fighting ring, the whole brotherhood showed their support while Liambeat five opponents, taking his anger and confusion out on them. I stood stoic and scared with his dad's arm wrapped around my shoulders in support.

He’s slowly breaking, and I don’t know what to do or how to help him.