Page 37 of Knuckles

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“Momma, momma,” I whisper as I shake my momma, trying to wake her while I shiver from the cold.

I know she’ll be mad, but that man was trying to break into my window, her friend, and I’m scared.

“Momma,” I try again as a few tears fall and she stirs, “What?”

“Momma, your friend is-is try…. Ah!”

My words fall off, and I cry out as Momma backhands me and my face snaps to the side as she shouts, “What have I told you about waking me?!”

“B-But Mom –”

My words are cut off again, and she shoves me onto the cold, dirty floor and landing with a thump making me cry again. She grips the belt near my neck, and I try to move, to run, but I’m not quick enough. Momma whips the belt onto my bare chest, the sides hitting my skin hard, and I scream with so much pain, and I try to block the belt when it comes back at me, but it just makes her madder.

“Momma, stop!” I cry out as another whip lands half on my face and half on my chest, and I feel wetness dripping down and I roll over sobbing, dizziness hitting me.

I cry as I hear the belt plop down next to me before she grabs my arm and digs her nails into my skin before she dragging me out of her room. She drags me towards the small cabinet she shoved me into yesterday while her friend was over and I plead, “No, Momma, no please, not again,” but she ignores me as she opens the door then shoves me inside making me cry out as she drags her nails down my arm.

Sneering, she snaps, “You can stay in here until tomorrow night when your dad picks you up!” Then she slams the door,and I curl up into a ball, crying at the pain as wetness touches my bare knees.

Both brothers look at me in pure shock, and I blink, then blink again as my body itches, and I choke, “I was five that time, but for as long as I could remember, I wasn’t allowed clothes during the night, and I nearly suffocated that night because she forgot to open the air hatch.”

I look at both brothers, and I state, “For years, I was abused, and the brothers didn’t even notice. If I was at the clubhouse, I was invisible, and Dad, well, he just wanted me to continue his legacy within the club. He didn’t give a shit what I was being put through with Mom. Just like when I was at his, he was never home, and I had to fend for myself.”

I clench my jaw hard, and I lift up my shirt, showing them the scars my girl has felt and seen through my tattoos showing them the proof just in case they don’t believe me, and Trick turns away, linking his fingers behind his head. I ignore both of them and turn and head towards the ring without another word.

My phone rings, and I check it to see a picture of my girl on my bike, and I silence the call before dropping the phone on the edge of the ring, and I climb in, ready to kick the shit outta the bag.

I have the need to run, to get on my bike and never fucking come back, but then that means leaving Kodi, and I don’t think I’ll survive without her. So instead, I’m going to have a few days of space from her before I speak to her about my scars. I’m going to kick the shit outta the bag until the fights start tonight hoping the pain from an opponent will help keep me grounded.

Chapter 14

Kodi – Two Days Later

“You can’t leave,” Benny says quietly as he leans over my desk while I try to fill in paperwork from my arrest this morning at the shopping center, and I roll my eyes.

Over the years, Benny was barely around. He knew how suffocating Dad was, especially after Mom died. He knew Dad tried to micromanage my life, taking my wages, refusing to let me move, telling me who I could or couldn’t speak to, and keeping tabs on me so I couldn’t leave. Now, suddenly, Benny is always here, and honestly, his hovering only increases my agitation and hurt that I’ve been feeling over the past two days, the anger that is beginning to simmer along with the confusion.

Why won’t Knuckles answer my calls?

What did I do?

“Why can’t I?” I ask as I look at my big brother, trying to forget about my I guess boyfriend, “I never wanted to be a cop, I didn’t want to go to the police academy, I wanted to work at the art gallery. I wanted to draw and paint and live my life how I wanted it, but because Mom messed up, becauseMomwas bored, I was the one who ended up suffering. This isn’t my life, Benny, it is yours. The job is yours, as it should be, not mine.”

“But Boston?” he whispers, “That’s nearly three thousand miles away.”

I shake my head and remind him, “Dad has blacklisted my name in this state. I don’t have a choice, I need to leave California, and then maybe I might find who I am again.”

“And what about Knuckles? Or is it just fun?” he grits with disappointment, and I hold up my hand and lift my wedding finger before he can even open his mouth and be a hypercritical ass, showing him the tattoo.

Benny’s face softens, and I confess, “I’m madly, deeply in love with him, but the problem, big brother, is that he has demons he’s not willing to speak to me about. He won’t even kiss me because he knows I’ll know we’re forever when he does. He hasn’t answered one call or text in two days, or even let me know he needs some space, god, he hasn’t even come to the motel. I feel like I can’t breathe without him and want forever with him despite the trauma Mom put me through. He clearly doesn’t feel the same way which is one hell of a hard pill to swallow,” I swallow hard, “This job, it may not be my dream because Dad took that from me, but it’s still along the lines.”

Benny shakes his head just as Dad walks out of his office, gaining our attention.

He eyes me, but unlike the anger I’ve always seen, this is laced with guilt. I look away from him and back at my big brother, who eyes our father for a moment, then gives me his full attention,his eyes softening as he sees my tension double when Dad is near.

“He shouldn’t have hit you,” Benny whispers. “He shouldn’t have tried to control your life out of revenge for something you had no choice but to keep quiet over. Our mother proved how evil she was by even agreeing with the threats made against a sixteen-year-old. He shouldn’t have tried to control you out of fear that you’d end up like Mom. I get you shutting him out—I’m with you for that—but please don’t shut me out as well.”