Page 23 of Knuckles

Every time he leaves, I feel alone, hurt, and the fact that he’s yet to kiss me…

I squeeze my eyes tight, and slowly I move, trying to ignore the soreness of my body, soreness I should be relishing, but instead, I just want to cry.

Two months and Knuckles has slowly embedded himself into my heart, and I don’t know how to make him want me, to want us, especially when he won’t tell me why he’s so closed off.

I understand my reasons for not wanting a relationship, but he’s made me want one, to go down that road of no return, but he doesn’t want the same.

I sit up, keeping the sheet to my chest as my eyes go to the black shirt that he was wearing, and I grab it without a second thought and put it on before putting the fabric to my nose and inhaling.

This has been our routine when we’re at the motel. We’ll screw for hours, I’ll pretend to be asleep because after the fourth time of him walking out I felt like I was dying, and he’ll leave me his shirt that I’ll wear then wash before bringing it back here, and he’ll wear it while I’ll wear the one he’s just worn.

I’m not sure when he knew I needed that kind of comfort, but I’m grateful for it, and I welcome it, I really do but I don’t know how much more of this I can take before the walls crash around us.

Am I going to get my heart broken if I keep doing this?

I always said I didn’t believe in love, yet I’m in love with Knuckles, and it doesn’t help that I can’t speak to Clark about it.

Blinking several times, I grab my jeans knowing I won’t stay the night without him, and quickly change before I face the music with my dad. Not only for being out this late which he will lecture me about despite the fact that I’m an adult, but because I tried renting an apartment again a few days ago after I managed to transfer all the money I earned out of his accounts while he was at work.

Dad had found out about the apartment and had it searched for drugs which surprise, surprise, it failed but he isn’t aware of the money yet and that is mainly because I informed the bank I was going to report them for theft for allowing my earnings to be transferred from my account to his behind my back. I had them transfer it to a different branch as a precaution so I’m expecting a war when I get home and even though I’d rather avoid it, orI’m praying he will be out or asleep, I can’t stay here without Knuckles.

Maybe I need to end things?

Damn, my heart just cracked at that thought.

***

I swallow hard as I pull up behind my father's police cruiser and look at the house to see the living area lights on.

“Crap,” I whisper and squeeze my steering wheel, suddenly regretting not driving around and finding somewhere to park and sleep in my jeep.

I know I said we needed to have this out, but I really had hoped he’d be asleep.

I could just pull out again and drive off, but I know he’s aware I’m home, the curtains are twitching.

“Okay Kodi, pull your big panties up, you are an adult dammit!” I mutter to myself as I eye the house.

I’ve got this, it’s time he understands I’m not a kid anymore, that he can’t keep hurting me for Mom’s decisions.

Taking a deep breath, I slowly climb out of my jeep, suddenly painfully aware of the shirt I am wearing, but I shut my door and walk towards the house, knowing there isn’t anything I can do about it now and besides, hopefully he won’t notice.

I walk through the front door with anticipation and walk into the living area, and find my dad standing at the end of the couch holding a beer, glaring at me. Okay…

“Where have you been?” he demands to know as he stares at the shirt, making me nervous, but I hide the nerves, and I sigh as I put my handbag on the back of the couch.

“Dad, I’m twenty-four years old, I shouldn’t have to tell you where I’ve been,” I say softly, and his jaw ticks.

“You do when you’re under my roof,” he snaps, and I swallow the smart remark, or at least I try but it comes out anyway.

I retort, “And you’ve sabotaged every single apartment I’ve tried to rent!”

For months, Dad has gotten worse. I don’t see one cent of my paycheck, which is why I contacted the bank and hadallof my money, including my winnings when he allowed me to follow my dreams from my paintings transferred. I go out, he has me followed, he’s trying to do more raids with the club which I think is because of my friendship with Clark. I honestly don’t know how much more I can take of his overbearing ways, especially when Benny gets to live his life how he wants.

“I’ve called the community center, you’re no longer working there,” Dad shocks me, and I blink, then blink again.

What?

“You can’t do that!” I snap loudly, and he works his jaw.