Page 35 of Hungry Like the Wolf

She looked at his worn jeans, lighter over where his thighs expanded the denim. At his forearms, thick with muscle and a juicy vein that ran from his elbow to his wrist. The open flannel shirt that revealed a faded old band T-shirt that was stretched across his chest. His hair was loose, a little bit damp, and he smirked. He knew she was checking him out.

“I’m hungry,” she said, holding eye contact with him.

“You need more food at your cabin?” JJ asked, even though she knew he was playing dumb.

“No. We’ve got food. But I’m hungry.”

He looked at her and she looked back.

“You always took such good care of me,” she whispered.

And he had. JJ had been the kind of lover who paid attention. He asked questions if he wasn’t sure, and he listened to the answers. He was the type to learn his partner’s body like a map, memorizing all the dips and turns, the oases, the places that held hazards and the places that held gold. He was, in fact, the only man she’d ever been comfortable being touched by like that.

She’d never been in love with him. He’d never been in love with her. He was waiting for his mate. But they’d bided some time together, passing one another when the hunger grew too great for her, when the loneliness and waiting grew too much for him. It had been the purest act of service and love one could have committed.

She’d been so full during those years, for the first time in her entire existence. Full of him, sure, but full. Satisfied. Brimming with strength and energy. Those were the years she’d taken up running.

“Nadj,” JJ said, rubbing the back of his neck the way he did when he was about to share bad news, the way he’d done when he told her that Agatha had shown up at his door with her infant twin girls, that he would be taking them north, that he’d visit when he could but that she was always welcome to come with them.

But that was the thing. She would have been welcome to come with them, to build this pack. But it wouldn’t have been her life. It would have been her following him to his, waiting on the sidelines and hoping he never found his mate. Not because she loved him, but because she was afraid of the tap turning off. And so she’d stayed in World’s End and grown increasingly accustomed to the hunger. She’d stopped running because she couldn’t afford the use of extra energy. She couldn’t afford to use any extra energy on anything.

“We can’t,” he said gently.

“I know,” she said. “I just?—”

“You’re hungry.”

Hot tears scalded at the corners of her eyes, and not for the first time, Nadja marveled about how much hotter tears felt when they were desperate than they felt when they were sad.

“I’m so hungry. I’ve been so hungry.”

“You have a mate.”

“He’s—” Not my mate, she’d been about to say, but JJ shook his head. Barely a shake. A twitch. But it was enough. He was right. Robbie’s safety depended upon this mating of convenience, this lie.

“He would help you,” JJ said.

“You know I can’t do that,” she said.

“No, I don’t. Why?”

“Because it would be me taking advantage of him. He’s vulnerable.”

“You’re vulnerable.”

“It’s different. I don’t want him to feel obligated. And he’s just so… so…”

“Robbie,” JJ said with a soft smile.

“Yeah,” she answered. Because it was true. She had only known him two days, but it was glaringly obvious that Robbie was one of the good ones, one of the best ones. He was tattooed and worldly and yet had the soul of a golden retriever. He was chipper and helpful and quick with a joke and generous with his time and his stories. He was good.

And if she told him what she needed, he would give it to her in a heartbeat. But she would always wonder if he was giving it to her because he just wanted to help her or help himself to her. The uncertainty would eat her alive.

JJ sighed again. “Think about it.”

“I will,” she said, even though they both knew she wouldn’t.

She had a few days before she would be truly desperate. It would be easy to drive to the nearest town with a motel, check in, connect to the wireless, feed, and come back before Robbie even realized she’d gone. The idea of feeding was always unpleasant, but for some reason, the thought of logging onto Voyours and degrading Geoff felt so awful, so wrong.