Page 75 of Hold Fast

“Una’s with child,” Ewan said, breaking the expectant silence.

“Oh?” David said, looking over his shoulder.

“Aye.”

David rose and clapped him on the shoulder with a bright smile. “Congratulations, Ewan! What happy tidings!”

Ewan raked his fingers through his hair. David returned to the fire. Sitting on his haunches, David grabbed two bowls, ladled stew into them, and stood. He placed them at the table and sat, gesturing to the chair across from him. The chair that always sat empty.

Ewan had never eaten a meal at this table. David took most of his meals in the hall. And yet here they were. Ewan sitting in Isbel’s chair, eating from Isbel’s bowl, sharing the space with his best friend that should have been occupied by his best friend’s wife. Fear rolled deep in Ewan’s belly.

It suddenly occurred to Ewan that perhaps David went out of his way to do so much for the clan so that he didn’t have to spend much time alone in his cottage, surrounded by nothing but the empty space where such possibility once lived, sitting across from the empty chair where Ewan now sat. Ewan understood this. It was the very reason he had filled his days from beginning to end for so many years.

“How is Una?” David asked around a mouthful.

Ewan dropped his spoon into the bowl and pressed his face into his hands. “I dinnae ken.”

David put his spoon down, but gently. “What do you mean, you dinnae ken?”

“I dinnae ken how she is because I turned tail and fled as soon as I heard the news.”

David surged to his feet, slamming his hands on the table. The movement seemed so much larger, so much louder in that quiet, small space. “You did what?”

“I panicked!”

“You panicked?Youpanicked?” David roared, disgust written plainly all over his face. “What did you expect to happen when you go at each other like rabbits in spring at every opportunity? Have either of you done aught to prevent it?”

“Nay,” Ewan mumbled.

“Louder.”

“Nay! There have been nae precautions,” Ewan said. “I didnae ask. I assumed she—”

“You’re a godsdamned fool, Ewan MacDonald,” David snarled.

Ewan groaned into his hands, pounding the heel of his right hand against his forehead. David raked his hands over his close-shorn hair, clearly trying to pull at it.

“My God, Ewan. Where is your head? The moment you learn you’ve fathered a bairn upon her, you run off and leave her alone?”

Ewan couldn’t remember his friend ever being this angry with him. He groaned. “What am I to do, David? What if she…” His voice cracked, and he sucked in a breath. “I—I—I cannae lose her.”

David sighed a gusty exhale, the angry wind gone from his sails in an instant. He dropped back into his seat. “You can. You can lose her, and youmaylose her. And if nae now, then someday for certain. Someday, one of you will have to say goodbye first.” He paused, and Ewan choked on a sob. “But nae today, Ewan.”

Ewan folded his arms on the table, dropped his forehead to them, and let the tears fall. He heard the scraping of David’s chair as he dragged it close and felt the heat of his friend’s body as he leaned in, wrapping an arm around Ewan’s back.

“Now you listen to me,” David said quietly. “Una is probably terrified. Not only of the idea of becoming a mother, but also because the bairn’s father ran away from her like she was cursed.”

Ewan felt his cheeks grow even hotter with shame.

“She is about to lay her life on the line to give you a gift. Maybe you willnae get to keep it. Maybe you willnae get to keepher.”

Ewan took a deep, shuddering breath and looked up at David. Tears glittered in his friend’s eyes in the firelight and his bottom lip trembled as he went on, “None of it is fair. But she’s a gift nonetheless. As is every single day you get with her.”

David squeezed Ewan’s shoulder so tightly it hurt.

“You’ve wasted too much of your life worried about who else you might lose. Cling too tightly, and it’ll all slip through your fingers. Just love people while you have them, and all will be well in the end.”

Ewan sniffled loudly, his thoughts returning to Isbel’s chair, the wood beneath him almost possessing a life of its own.